Pity & Reason
emails are in blue & mine are in
black and white.
before I moved here to New York I made friends with a girl in my
neighborhood who coincidentally lived in my building.
I moved. As all of my belongings were being loaded up into the truck
I gave her my web address (along with other contact information).
Hi Bob. I was looking
at your web site and I think that I have an interesting perspective
on it because I can identify with the person before, I can
identify with the topic involved. If you're confused by what
I mean, let me explain. I am not/was not looking for information
on atheism, or humor relating to it. I've talked to you briefly
at the coffee shop... and you told me and my friend your web
site address, and I checked it out, mostly out of boredom
A little background...
I spend a lot of time on the Internet and I can honestly say
I've never looked for information regarding atheism or religion
in general, but I was raised Catholic and actually went to
Catholic school for 8 years of my life. I am naturally the
type of person to question everything ... so there were times
in my life that I told my parents, through casual conversation
mostly, that I didn't really believe. It wasn't even something
I thought about much, it just didn't seem to make sense to
me. Mostly I didn't think about it after I graduated from
Catholic grade school, and my family was never very religious,
but obviously they do believe...
It's actually weird
because you can learn a lot about someone you don't actually
talk to from their website. It's just this time, you happen
to live in my building!! It's a bit different from learning
about someone who, say, lives across the country whom you
never seen or will see...
Except now you
-or more appropriately your site has begun a thought in my
head that won't go away any time soon. No doubt I'll begin
to think about my beliefs again... at least for a little while.
I guess this is a more personal email than a "fan mail" email
but I just thought I'd write you and let you know how interesting/weird
it is to see someone on the outside (you're not easily passed
over with the hair you were sporting for a while), not really
know anything about them, move into the same building by coincidence,
have two minor short conversations with them, learn they are
leaving the city... and then learn much more by looking at
And because I
am a bit of an Internet junkie, I just HAD to email you...
I'm not sure if I'll see you before you move (although you
do just live a couple windows down from me...), but I can
relate to something (not sure what) that is revealed in your
web site. Good luck in New York and I hope you are happy there.
would love to snap your neck.
I would love to
snap your neck.
PRAY I RUN INTO YOU ONE DAY...
I PRAY I RUN INTO
YOU ONE DAY SO I CAN SNAP YOUR PENCIL NECK. YOU FAGGOT.
You want to know
what? I would so totally have you arrested if you did that.
Then, instead of prison time, I'd request to the judge an
alternate sentence of having to be my dog on a leash. You'd
have to eat your food out of a bowl, fetch my slippers and
bark on command. And you'd have to promise to the judge, the
entire court room (including me) that you wouldn't break my
neck again while you were serving out your whole "Bob's dog"
Then as an additional
punishment you'd be forced to go to obedience school. One
of the things you'd have to learn at that school would be
how to fix broken necks. You'd have to go through the 10 years
of neck surgeon school so that you could see how complicated
the human neck is and how difficult it would be to repair
it. And finally when you graduated you'd have to fix my neck
until it was absolutely perfect and if it wasn't fixed
perfectly you'd have to be my dog on a leash for another 10
This is what would
happen to you Mr. Varallo. That is if I survived the whole
initial neck breaking incident to begin with.
think this is all an act on your part.
Wow.I don't really
know what to say. Because regardless of what I say you are
going to slam it.
My first and foremost
thougt is that you crave attention and this is your way of
getting it. I honestly do not believe you feel the way you
say you do. I think this is all an act on your part. Let me
ask you a question-do you believe any of the bible is real?
Do you believe
the verse that says "every knee shall bow and every tongue
shall confess that Jesus is Lord?"
I know..I know...go
ahead and slam.
I only slam people
who go off half cocked, make no sense or are completely unreasonable.
Yes I do like attention.
I talk a lot about that on my site. I want everyone to pay
attention to what I've got to say, I want tons of attention
from girls and the attention from people who disagree with
me is a wonderful platform to retort and express myself even
further. I love attention and I do not like to be ignored.
No I do not believe
that the stories in the Bible are based on facts. The verse:
"every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that
Jesus is Lord" I believe to be no different that the boogie
man stories told to children who don't behave.
No slam. This is
what I believe. Do you think that I'm living a lie or am I
simply making a joke that my friends, family and fans are
in on? What is it you think that I really believe? I'd really
like to hear your thoughts on this.
I said something to the effect that God would not want
to have anything to do with me, I had screwed up way too
many times....She said (ever so softly) ' why don't you
just talk to Him?
Ok, I was impressed? Thankful? relieved? that you replied
different than what I "assumed" you would...and we know what
happens when you assume.
I've been sitting
on this email a few days because I really wasn't sure what
to say. Should I reply? Should I just forget about you and
your site and go my way...Well, I woke up early this morning
and I just felt led to email you back...Bob, I don't know
what you believe.... I'm analyzing here, but I do think you
are searching....I think you think you believe what you say,
but I think deep down you do not have peace about everything.
Ok, no harm meant in me saying that....that is just my reply
to you asking me "what do you think I believe"
I'll try and give
you the quick version of my spiritual journey. My father was
a minister-wacko!!!! Super strict, violent temper, would beat
the crap out of my brother, hitting the tv-because it was
of the devil (you get the picture, right?) We were in church
every time the door opened...he was having an affair with
a lady in the church-my mothers best friend... Pretty healthy
childhood, huh?? Anyways, my parents divorced when I was 16...my
life went into chaos then....drinking, drugs-anything and
everything I could get my hands on... major pain over my father
because he had neglected me for his new life.. I never got
over the pain of my father. That was an issue that kept resurfacing
no matter what I did in life. I had cleaned up my act, went
to college, had a good job, etc......
3 years ago I was
hanging out with a friend and some casual conversation was
mentioned about God. I said something to the effect that God
would not want to have anything to do with me, I had screwed
up way too many times....She said (ever so softly) "why don't
you just talk to Him?" For a split second I felt this hope,
peace feeling....and I did...I said a little "God, are you
there?" kind of thing...and that instance. I felt this change
come over inside of me.....this awesome, beautiful, peace,
life has meaning groovy feeling....
So, I started praying...and
that is where it all began......One of the first thing I was
praying about was my dad......I still had so much pain and
issues over him.....it took awhile-maybe a month...but God
completely removed all pain from me where my dad is concerned....i
feel a numb peaceful feeling about dad..I just really feel
sorry for him...anyways, there are alot of cool stories that
come after that...but, that is how it really began for me...and
I screw up along the way....I am always doing something stupid...and
the stupid temptations out there....but, my conscience let's
me know when I am doing the wrong thing (sometimes, I still
do the wrong thing) but, I know I am forgiven..I know where
I am going when this life is over...I know because I have
Faith......Yeah, the bible could just be a fairy tale...but,
it's a fairy tale I believe in with all my heart....nothing
else was ever right in my life until God....So, I guess the
only thing I say to you is.....Do you feel what is going on
with you and what you believe is right-I mean really right
down to your soul? (Oh, I am assuming you believe you have
a soul) :)
I really do not
mean to offend you in anything I say. But, God loves you,
Bob and He made you and that is my belief. We all have the
right to our opinion-I know that...And we must all respect
that opinion regardless....(or that makes for a happy world)
Ok, this is just
food for thought. Feel free to throw it down the garbage disposal
if you want. Just think about what I said. I thought about
what you said.
It's difficult to converse with someone who says that I am
not speaking what I truly believe or that I'm hiding how I
really feel. With that said I must tell you that I do not
believe God exists, His Son was Jesus Christ or that an afterlife
awaits us. This is what I feel as far down into my gut as
I can go. I've gone deeper than most. Any thought of Heaven,
a god of love or a final fair judgment for everyone only exists
in fantasy. I know that it is only fantasy because it sounds
like fantasy, looks like fantasy and feels like fantasy. There
is a distinct separation between it and what I know in my
heart of hearts.
I believe that
when anyone is upset, abusing their body, feeling hatred for
others or breaking the law and a change of heart occurs, feelings
of peace and hope follow soon after. No God, just human nature.
I think that this can be attributed to why so many people
repent after being involved with crime, drugs and other hopeless
acts of desperation.
I personally think
that your initial repentance was a very naive one.
You didn't think God would have anything to do with you because
of how screwed up you were?
First of all this
says to me that you thought there was a God. I do not. If
I thought that there was a God I would worship Him. I'd be
foolish not to.
Second, it is naive
to think that a supreme master of the universe, an all encompassing
entity of infinity who IS love would not except you. It's
clear that you needed something, you wanted relief from your
pain and this idea seemed to you like a viable option.
A feeling came
over you that you attributed to God and since then you've
attributed coincidences and good feelings to God and made
up excuses for the evidence that disproves Him. I'm not trying
to talk you out of what you believe, I'm explaining what I
see and what it looks like from my side of the fence.
If I could make
myself actually believe it all (the resurrections, Adam &
Eve instead of the dinosaurs, Prince of Darkness, Heaven,
etc..) I would do it. My life would be happy all the time
without worry. I could go about my day in peace knowing that
paradise awaited me. But I cannot make myself believe. Belief
doesn't work like that. If it did than I could make myself
believe that I had super good looks, limitless talents, unshakable
confidence and the lust of every girl in New York.
Back when I was
making myself believe I didn't realize that I was doing a
very unhealthy thing. The more that I ignored and/or made
up excuses for the evidence that stared me in the face the
more I started to lose my mind.
You don't have
to respect every idea Faith. That's where you fell off course.
It's OK to doubt, disprove and reject ideas. It's OK to expose,
discourage and joke about bad ideas. I haven't been offended
in the least by anything you've written me. It's a bit annoying
to have somebody tell you what you believe, especially when
it's not only inaccurate but also foolish.
I'm hoping that
I've at least convinced you that I believe what I do and that
I'm being honest with myself. That's what's most important
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