I get FAN MAIL!
just figured that the hate mail is more interesting... but not this
So here is some REAL LIFE fan mail and it's my favorite kind...
fan mail from girls.
pictures included may or may not have been included with the attached
letter. But most of them, in general, are with photos, usually,
in most cases.
If I was not already desperately in love with someone else
I think I just might fall desperately in love with you. Normal
Bob. Dreamy. Nearly every little thing you do is magic. I
to start a new paragraph now, because I'm getting too excited.
*shiver* I thought your dressing up Jesus site was pretty
sharp, so I checked out yer main page and guh. Guh! That Neptune
movie reviews are also fan-freakin'-tastic.
Might I recommend the film "Dark Star"? It's a quality film
about space travel. I understand it's fictitious, but you'd
never know, what with the AWEsome f-x. The mocking Christians
is funny shit but really, just too easy.
So I wondered
if I was a super chic, but then it occured to me that I do
not come from a different planet, and I DO think blowing bubbles
is REALLY silly. Alas. I do, however, find myself an uber-fan
of your empire, as it were.
you had any doubts about whether I was the messiah, yes, I
be the prophet. I'm already on the other side. Listen, listen!
Christ...ine. See?!? BETTER than Christ. And even the NAME
is blasphemous irony. Oh, delight. (Actually, if you want
my heretical belief system you'll have to ask.) In closing:
I liked the freakshow
very much. Oh, oh, and Bob! Will you be my friend? Lemme know,
so I can decide how deeply to recede into alcoholism based
on your level of disinterest. At the very least, I'll see
you in hell. With enduring affection,
played dress up Jesus at work for an hour and I am sure that
I love you now. Thank you for sponsoring such righteous blasphemy,
you fabulous person. This whole site would cause a certain
fascist Christian I know to gasp and grab her rosary; that
makes me happier than you can imagine. I've already forwarded
the address to her.
for making my day. This was the funniest thing I've ever seen.
Would you marry me?
I'm Jewish, so it was a lot easier for me to laugh ...)
site is great. I was at www.cruel.com and clicked on the link
to the dress up Jesus page. I went there and laughed, a true
genuine laugh. Even more so at the hate mail by those "offended"
at your site.
be a bit on the young side, 17 years old, but I totally get
what your saying here. I my self am also an atheist. I particularly
like those side scripts at the hate mail about the pope and
"Screaming" Jay Hawkins. And of course the babes of bush men
I just wanted to give you some well deserved praise for your
site Dress Up Jesus. And I am sorry that those Christians
cant laugh at there own religion let alone their own selves.
Nancy, the 17 year old atheist girl.
I have to tell you that this is a great site, so wonderfully
designed, and chock full o' fascinating content. It's fucking
great to find a voice that is not only intelligent AND funny,
but resourceful. I love your research, the fact that you can
spell and use proper punctuation, your theories on God and
ESPECIALLY your letter
to David Chamberlain.
I write for an alternative weekly akin to New City and I know
the beast that you battle so well. You humor is perfect ó
sarcastic yet realistic, and you bite in the right tender
Right on man, right fucking on.
was crucified for you.
Do you understand that."
just so happened to stumble across this and it made me somewhat
sick. I don't know how you could find the ultimate sacrifice
for you and I a game. Dressing Him in non-spiritual attire
is a slap in the face. He was crucified for you. Do you understand
that. I'm not exactly the most religious follower of God yet,
but I have enough morals to not participate in something like
this. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you
This next letter was
sent the same day.
are a symbol of the Stag God... The Christmas wreath is
this will probably end up on your Hate Mail page, but I would
like to the time right now to tell you that I do not hate
you. Besides the fact that I do not hate anyone, I don't even
know you. Therefore, I am not judging you, because I am not
one to judge. I am a sinner just like you. I would also like
to take the time right now to apologize for any typos or bad
grammar that may be found in this e-mail. I am a semester
away from graduating form a five year program from a state
college. I hope this enough to inform a reader that have some
kind of credibility. I am not an English major and never plan
to be. I am a designer and explain myself through Visualization,
and do not specialize in reports. This is an e-mail and doesn't
have to be formal.
am interested in continuing my education with life similar
to you. I am not sure, but I going to assume that religion
leaves a bad taste in your mouth. It sounds like you have
had a bad history with religion. Well, so have I. I have been
in and out of many religions with my parents and just ended
up confused. A lot churches don't make sense and seemed to
be tainted with human intervention (Catholic Church). I have
found that you like to educate people on their poor grammar
skills. I know mine so reply with something else. I would
just like to educate you on some your comments and questions.
Your comment on Santa and Jesus, " They both were created
by man to bring wonderful gifts to those who believe their
incredible stories, " is not true. Jesus was created by God
to save us from our sin. Santa was created by man inspired
by the devil. Christmas is not a religious holiday. Almost
all of the traditions have connections to Paean Worshipers.
Reindeer are a symbol of the Stag God. The cutting down of
an evergreen tree and decorating it is are traditions from
Occult holidays. Santa has God like qualities. Santa is everywhere
at once delivering presents, Santa knows if you've been bad
or good just like God. Omnipresent and Knowing all are both
qualities of God. Santa is just a decoy for children to look
up to and to write to about how good they have been all year
which means next to nothing. The Christmas wreath is sexual
symbol. It is all written about in Occult holidays and worships.
Christmas lights and all. The lights were used to guide the
God of winter into peoples homes. Reading in Jeremiah 10;2-6
(The big Black book called the Bible k.j.v. written by man,
inspired and preserved by God, "Learn not the way of the heathen............
the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree
out of the forest......... and deck it with silver and with
gold; they fasten it with hammers, that it move not." Sound
familiar? The devil's work is tricky and a little skewed,
but doing something obviously trying to deceive people for
some reason. If you would like more information, It is yours.
Occult Holidays" by Doc Marquis (ex-seventh generation luminati)
comment to your question about death before Christ's death.
No one is in heaven yet, and no one is in hell YET. Everyone
is at rest to be judged on the final judgment. Multiple readings
to be found, but one that I found off of hand, Rev. 11: 11-15.
You could live your life a criminal, and be saved on your
death bed, IF and ONLY IF you truly believe that Jesus died
for your sins and you TRULY confess your sins, but if you
know the truth, why risk it. I do not know the whole truth,
but will continue to search for it
your letter I am reminded of how easily influenced the human brain
is. We finish a book and for the months to follow we will recite
its pages and believe its message because it is the most recent
idea that we've found interesting. Everyone goes through this. The
Bible has survived thousands of years because of this weakness we
have. No proof, no common sense, it defies all logic and they are
all words written by man.
aside the fact that you probably just finished this "America's
Occult Holidays" book and are on somewhat of a "Doc Marquis"
kick as of present I will respond to your letter.
that the answers are going to be found in life, not in a contrived
book written by man.
a purpose to this Life Event. It follows a series of rules that
fit into a logical scheme with results that have a documentable
chain of events all grounded in reality. The second that you start
to take someone's word for it you're setting yourself up to be misled.
Whether it's Doc Marquis, Jesus Christ or Jewell (Yes, the singer.
She's got a very deep message in her songs if you'd just pay attention).
No one knows
what happened 2000 years ago and what transformations the stories
went through or who had an agenda to change them. All that we truthfully
have to go on is the here and now. Life's
essential answers (I believe) can be learned during this short precious
stay on Earth.
your life, you discover that people like to tell tall tales and
call it true, that's a lesson learned.
If it sounds
like a fantasy then it probably is.
never seen a bush speak words while it is on fire and the idea seems
ludicrous then that too gets logged into your life's lessons play
On the other
hand, if you read a book that tells you that a wreath is a sexual
symbol and people who choose to hang one on their door are putting
their souls at risk, then you are ignoring life's lessons.
#1. People write books with outrageous statements to push buttons
and make money.
Lesson #2. People are neither evil nor holy and their eternal
outcome will not be as easily defined as Hell or Heaven.
Lesson #3. No one knows what happens after you die. Anyone
who says that they do is a liar, a fool or crazy.
yet to discover that your education hasn't begun.
School will tell you. Life will show you.
Give me a buzz after you've set foot outside of campus grounds.
I am not dealing with an earthly entity !"
Heard it all before Bob. I know your "type" and clearly am
find it amusing that you began your e-mail to me with the
line, " I can honestly say...." ..... Honest, Bob? I Don't
think so! You are in fact quite the opposite. A pure HYPOCRITE
thru and thru is actually more like it. You invite people
to respond to your twisted way of thinking, on the guise of
being truly open to what one could offer you by way of their
belief's, to help you better understand where they are coming
from, and how they came to those belief's. But that's not
what you are really interested in, now is it, Bob? You don't
have an open mind about anything. You have already made up
your mind in what you do and do not believe. You are like
a cunning spider, spinning your sticky little web, trying
to lure people in, and then trying to impress and confuse
them with your use of manipulative vocabulary. I know your
type from a first hand experience. People like you leave a
bad taste in the world. It's all a game to you, isn't it Bob?
Manipulate, twist, lie, confuse, exaggerate. Did I say manipulate????
Had I thought for a second that you were genuine and being
sincere in your search for answers and THE truth, or really
cared what other people believed in, I would continue to reach
out to you. I see clearly now that anyone with genuine belief's
and morals is a threat to you. Because you are confused in
darkness, misery loves company, right Bob? I won't be drawn
down into the gutter with you Bob. Sorry. No can do. If you
were so sure of yourself, you wouldn't have a web site of
the kind. Classic case of someone screaming for help and seeking
attention; yet turns everyone away, especially those who could
offer friendship and relief from the hell you are living in.
Trying to shock people? Getting yo! ur kicks out of the absurd?
Talk about outrageous.
give me any song and dance story about your woe is me, poor
me, life story. Big deal. So what? Everyone has it rough.
You are no exception. God never said this was supposed to
be Heaven. This is Earth, and as long as we are here, troubles
we'll have. To not have hope for a future in Heaven with the
Lord, what would be the point? Self preservation Bob? What
are you afraid of? Afraid that the truth might somehow get
in, reach you? Take you places you don't want to go? Your
burning out, and you have to make sure you take a few poor
lost souls with you, huh? I'm not going to argue with you
until I am blue in the face. Truth is truth. Nothing to argue
about anyway. I have the truth. You don't. End of story. By
the way, "America's Occult Holidays" is not a book. It is
a video about a 7th generation Illuminati who knows all about
the lies, evil and deceitful path that you are choo! sing
to go down Bob. And to assume I just "read" it.......shame
on you for assuming anything Bob.
you are not so clever after all Bob. Perfect example of what
you perceive to be truth is just an illusion. Even you make
mistakes Bob......but how could that be?????? From someone
who has all the answers, you should be more careful with your
while we are on the subject of just how open you are to what
other people believe, I accidentally gave you the wrong scripture
verse for you to read. Had you actually read it, you would
have known that. That alone gives your motives away, and shows
your true colors. I gave you Revelation 11: 11-15, when in
fact it was supposed to be Revelation 20: 11-15. Quite a big
difference there in subject matter, but then again, you never
bothered to look it up anyway, sense you are so open, right?
I will let my Lord take it from here. I am not dealing with
an earthly entity ! obviously. Yet, I turn the other cheek,
knowing that, "He doesn't love us cuz of who we are, He only
loves us cuz of who He is" And more than that, like it or
not, believe it or not, scoff at it or not, "Every knee will
bow, and Every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord." Did
I mention you were no exception Bob????
you flirting with me?
Good golly you're pissed!
I wasn't even going to reply to your email because you seem to have
missed my points entirely, but my brother read your letter to me
with his high pitched "Charles Nelson Riley" imitation
and I laughed my ass off and was inspired to respond.
Let me straighten
some things out.
#1) I am set in my ways. Without
proof or logical thinking I will not be swayed.
#2) I am not complaining. I am sharing
my life experience and the lessons learned from them because there
is no greater Truth. I do not believe in your god therefore I cannot
blame him. Is that clear enough?
#3) I do not know all of the answers.
I do not know what happens after this life and neither do you, Milo.
If you say that you do then you are a liar. I was truly disturbed
at the ease in which you claim to know, when in fact it is only
#4) All that I want is the Truth.
That's what these pages are all about. I am being as honest as I
can be (sarcasm doesn't count because "funny" is much
more important than "truth" any day). I
have found that the search for Truth isn't difficult. It's right
in front of my face. It is real and it can be touched.
Why do people
think they can quote scripture to me as if it would sway me? I'm
an atheist for god's sake! The same hands that wrote the bible held
their dicks while they pissed.
It is clear
to me that you are set in your ways as well. Did you notice how
I'm not trying to convert you? Do you know how you sound when you
say things like "I am not dealing with an Earthly entity!"
and "Every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord!"?
No, I guess you wouldn't 'cause you weren't here to witness my brother's
impersonation. Trust me, it's hilarious!
So I am
concluding with a moral to all of this nonsense. Human beings are
gullible. All that they need is a happy ending and they'll believe
anything. And with a best friend living in your heart, forgiven
sins and eternity in heaven, the stories become all the more believable.
I mean, who doesn't want to be "special"?
Who is the
hypocrite here now, Milo? You have argued until you were blue in
face. That which you said you would not do. Please, in the future,
keep your arguments to a Light Cyan ©
2001 Normal Bob Smith.