Love Diaries

Bob Love Diaries
The Romantic Confessions of a Virgin Prude

Part 2
Paradise Missed

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Part 1,
The First Action
Part 2, Paradise Missed
Part 3, Poetic Justice
Part 4, Thumbs Up 7Up!
Part 5,
I <3 NY
Part 6, Junior Prom
Part 7,
The Most Important Girl
Part 8, Julie
Part 9, Yesterday Sucked
Part 10, Between Friends
Part 11, Questions Answered
Part 12,
Art School Confidential
Part 13, Virginity Lost
As much as I'd promised myself to be better prepared for the next time something like this happened, I was not only unprepared but it would seem as if I'd spent hours rehearsing the worst possible responses in my best Bozo The Clown impersonation.

In the aptly titled Social Studies I was fortunate enough to be sharing the same room with Michelle Burchette (the tightly pantsed younger sister of Nikki). Michelle would, on very rare occasions, find it in her heart to toy with my nerddom in a flirtatious way. I would consistently return the favor by metamorphosing into a cowardly, wobbling, smiley-faced punching bag. My teacher was being generous when he gave me a C in that class.

This particular incident with Michelle took place in the back of that Social Studies class room. I still have no idea what sparked these brief psuedo-erotic encounters, and if I'd had the slightest clue of what it was on my end I would've done it every day and bragged about it to my parents.

Very simply, Michelle approached me at the back of the room while the teacher was out, took the dangling string of the window blinds and asked me (as her friend Fred looked on).
"Tell me Bob, how would you like it if I tied you up with this and raped you?"

Now had I actually been expecting such an inquiry perhaps I would have lost my virginity "against my will" right there in 3rd Period, but I was not prepared and my reply reflected it. In a complete lack of cool and allure I sarcastically retorted,
"Oh yeah, I'd REALLY like that!" as if it were not only a stupid question but there was no way I'd even consider taking part in something so silly. Without pause she dropped the string (and the topic) turned and walked away. I spent the rest of that day week month, year imagining what might have been if only I'd said something along the lines of;
"Michelle, that is something I'd thoroughly enjoy and I'd be willing to take part in such a scenario on a semi-regular basis with you if your schedule would allow."

Here I am in a pink Velcro shirt that I bought at a store called Merry-Go-Round.
The sales girl had no problem talking me out of $40 for it, all she had to do was explain that the Velcro made it easier for all of the girls to rip open.
Only once did it get ripped open by a second party, but it was a guy... playing a prank on me in the hallways of my school.

I believe that I responded like I did because I didn't want to look like a pussy (a word that'd been used to describe me... right to my face... many many times... by guys that took part in the more popular school sporting events). It never entered into my mind that being raped by a girl was an acceptable form of bullying and quite possibly a giant step up that ladder of popularity.

Let me now clarify that I would not be at all opposed to such an act. I wouldn't press any charges against the girl who might commit such a "crime" against me and I'd even pay for cab fare. Oh, and I'd forego any sarcastic attempts at sweet talk. I really don't know what the hell I was thinking.



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All opinions, writings, illustrations & designs are that of Normal Bob Smith (C) 2000 - 2009


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