Bob Love Diaries
The Romantic Confessions of a Virgin Prude

Part 5
I <3 NY

Soon I will get back to the past with my clumsy, pathetic encounters with the opposite sex, but right now I'd like to take you to some more recent clumsy, pathetic encounters with the opposite sex.

By the time I realized my error I was already under the the East River with no way of turning back. No real drama transpired but it tagged another half hour or so onto my already aching spleen. I walked across the terminal and caught the E Train back but added a more diabolical high pressure minutes to my bladder attempting to transfer to the Red Line which only has a few open stops after midnight. I had to walk over to a farther northbound train... and it turned out to be a very good twist of fate. I stepped onto the train car with only a half dozen or so sleeping/ drunk late-nighters on their way home. I sat down, looked over my left shoulder and saw two college age girls, one laying down with her head in the lap of the other. The girl who was sitting up made noticeable and definite eye contact with me and they certainly stood out from the other, more male occupants of this subway car.

She smiled at me and I of course smiled back. She whispered something to her friend in her lap and started moving her hand around her neck and chest area. I looked around the train again to see if I was missing something going on elsewhere in the car and when I glanced back this girl pulled down a portion of her halter top exposing her right breast to me! My initial reaction was to look away before I was "caught" (this comes from my strong religious upbringing), then I quickly came to my senses and looked over to her again. Sure enough she pulls it down again showing me tan line, nipple, underfold and everything! I am completely aware of the "Letters to Penthouse" flavor this all has but I swear to you it's true.

My bladder

Now this is kind of a weird situation for a guy to be in. As you've already read in my many other Love Diary entries I've failed many many times in these kinds of situations and ruined whatever enjoyable moment I was being offered.

My spleen

I looked around the cab and everybody else was oblivious, either too drunk, too tired, or simply too sad a character to enjoy life's little pleasantries like this one. I looked over again and I see the girl whispering again to her lap friend who reaches up and pulls down her friends top for her... for me! This does not happen to me... ever, and I am grateful that I've got something about me that has some sort of appeal to inspire such actions at all.

I give them a clear smile. I want them to know how much I'm enjoying all of this. Her friend sits up and now they're giggling. Then, much to my dismay my stop approaches.

In my opinion I had only two options.

Option #1 Stay on the train, continue this game until it gets awkward and risk playing the perv/stalker at the slim chance at being part of a much coveted threesome.

Option #2 Leave the train at the stop I am supposed to leave at, being content with giving them only a handsome wave good-bye, a smile and possible one last glance through the window as the train speeds away with them.

Now you may think that this kind of experience isn't worth so much thought, consideration and dissection but these sort of things are some of the most memorable events of my life. I suppose that this may change when I start having more valid moments like fathering babies and marrying other people or something. Anyway, due to my history and what I've learned through my few scattered experiences I chose option #2.

Problem was getting up to go to the door. It seemed that I had been enjoying the situation so much that now Mr. Happy had forgotten all about having to piddle and was down a pant leg making it very difficult to stand upright like one has to do to stand properly. Fixing the situation would have definitely fallen into that "perv/stalker" category and also would have been embarrassingly obvious. I was able to tolerate what should have been a 10:00 erection forcing it to about 7:30 or so (give or take a few minutes). I looked over my shoulder and they were just waiting for me to do so. She gave me one last flash with the help of her friend who pointed at the place I was already looking, the door opened and I figured "what the hell".

I turned and pointed at the trouble they'd caused in my pant leg, and it was painfully obvious. They screamed and laughed as I stepped out the door. The door closed and sped away.

You can bet that I walked the rest of the way home asking myself "what if"? Being on the receiving end of moments like these is enough now. Option #1 would have more than likely ended with me glancing over one too many times, them coming to their senses of how dangerous what they doing was and me walking away feeling like a pervert. At least this way I still have a happy ending... of sorts.

Damn I loved New York.

All opinions, writings, illustrations & designs are that of Normal Bob Smith (C) 2000 - 2009
NORMAL BOB SMITH DESIGN NEW YORK