The First Action
||Part 2, Paradise Missed
||Part 3, Poetic Justice
||Part 4, Thumbs Up 7Up!
I <3 NY
||Part 6, Junior Prom
The Most Important Girl
||Part 8, Julie
||Part 9, Yesterday Sucked
||Part 10, Between Friends
||Part 11, Questions Answered
Art School Confidential
||Part 13, Virginity Lost
3rd, 1989 is when I attended my very first strip club. The place was called
"Saturdays" (go figure) in Denver Colorado and I went with my friend
Chris Thomas. It was sleazy, and all of the girls there were scary...
except for one.
There was one
girl there that everyone was gathered 'round to see. Every seat
by her stage filled. She was the most gorgeous girl I'd ever seen...
dancing naked on a stage. I pulled up a chair and sat down with
everyone else. By the way, this was the first naked woman I'd ever
seen standing in front of me. I could not think reasonably.
I put a dollar on the
stage (like everyone else). She came over and said "hi" and after
a few body waves in my face she started talking to me! ME! Chris
and I sat there in awe while she paid more attention to us than
anyone else in the dive. When she was finished and left the stage
Chris and I sat there, waiting out the rotation of girls so that
we could see her again. When she came out again she came over and
started talking to us (while she shook her breasts in our faces).
"Dude, I think she likes
you." Chris said. There were sportos on the other side of the stage
shakin' their heads because she was spending all of her time on
me! As the night went on, and as I gave away all of my money to
her I started freakin' out. Chris and I went to a table off to the
side, and before long she came up to us and said "Can I sit here?"
We started talking. Her name was Laurie. I showered Laurie in compliments
about how attractive I thought she was. I couldn't believe that
this gorgeous girl was sitting there in a G-string bikini talking
Then, during the conversation
Chris leaned over and whispered to me,
"Dude, you should ask her out."
Oh my god! He was right! I was going to live the dream! The fantasy
life of dating a stripper! I'd walk around in public with her under
my arm as all other men lusted after her and all the girls wished
that they'd thought of asking me out first! I'd meet all of her
hot friends and maybe even be invited to their secret sex parties!
So I asked her if she
would like to go out sometime. What would her reply be? Could I
be so lucky? She said "Yes."
Oh my god. Wow. I'd hit it big time.
My heart pounded and
my hands shook. I thanked her again and again for saying yes. As
she was getting up from her seat to dance some more, I said "Aren't
you going to give me your number?" in a charming terrified quack.
I couldn't sleep all
that night and the next day I began my wait for that call. I stayed
around the house that evening just in case. It was so amazing that
we were actually going to go out on a date together! That weekend
I hung around and waited by the phone. Those were two of the longest
"Write it on a dollar
and give it to me on stage. OK?"
Wow, I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. So that's
what I did. The next time she came onto the stage I sat down in
front and slipped it into her G-string. She kissed me on the cheek,
shook her ass in my face then went and tossed the bill on the pile
of dollar bills in the middle of the stage.
"Um, that's the bill with my number on it"
"What?" She replied.
"The bill I just gave you has my number on it."
"Oh. Okay, great. I'll call you. Thanks."
She was being so great
to me! Now I was finally going to be happy for the rest of my life.
Chris and I hung out
a bit longer until we realized that we couldn't because it would
be awkward. I had to play this one juuuuust right.
I spent a lot of time
roaming around my suburban neighborhood dreaming of Laurie and our
date. By Sunday evening she still hadn't called, but that was okay.
She had just met me. It's not like we're going to have our first
date two days after we met. She's probably going to call next week
to set up the date for next weekend... and what a date it was going
to be! Dinner, a movie, a walk in the park. Wait'll she finds out
how nice I am!
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
passed. Still no call. Thursday was probably going to be the big
day! I casually made myself available by phone Thursday evening....
until very very late. Then I went to bed.
Several months passed
and she still hadn't called. The club told me that she didn't work
there anymore. She probably accidentally spent that dollar on a
gift for me or something.