Love Diaries

Bob Love Diaries
The Romantic Confessions of a Virgin Prude

Part 8
Julie

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Part 1,
The First Action
Part 2, Paradise Missed
Part 3, Poetic Justice
Part 4, Thumbs Up 7Up!
Part 5,
I <3 NY
Part 6, Junior Prom
Part 7,
The Most Important Girl
Part 8, Julie
Part 9, Yesterday Sucked
Part 10, Between Friends
Part 11, Questions Answered
Part 12,
Art School Confidential
Part 13, Virginity Lost

When I am very old and lying in my death bed I know that my one regret will be that I didn't attempt to approach more girls who could have been interested in me.

Despite all of my obnoxious email sass, cocky better-than-God attitude as I masquerade around Manhattan as the Prince of Darkness, I am still blind to the signals women may be sending me.

I never approach girls that I haven't gotten some kind of signal from (a smile, a touch, the words "ask me out god dammit"). With that said, I would love to have a general consensus to the following:

These are all regarding you (the girl) and a guy you've never met before.

Question #1) Would you smile at a guy walking down the street that you wouldn't want to approach you?

Question #2) Would you touch a guy during a conversation that you weren't interested in?

Question #3) Would you start up a conversation with a guy sitting next to you if you weren't interested?


Email me your answers here.


The above questions are not posed to assist over-confident, athletic types who go through girlfriends like they go through Budweisers. The answers you give will help those who are single and usually described by their personalities until there appearance is specifically requested.

My admitted prejudges against the handsome, popular sporto has kept me from wanting to use their tactics. I still carry an immature resentment for the over masculine, white bred, sports-bar-hoppin' lady's man. Subsequently I do not take the chance of approaching girls I'm attracted to for fear of coming off like one of these guys.
Oh yeah, and I'm a coward.

My most fulfilling and happiest relationships have happened with girls whom I've approached. The ones where I saw some kind of signal and decided to take the risk.

It isn't any great revelation to say that most people are intimidated by those they're attracted to. It's an affliction that goes double for someone who suffers the fate of being unpopular and funny looking early in life. I was absolutely stunned when my first girlfriend approached me for the first time.

My brother Rick was asked to help his friend Amy move so he asked me to come along and help as well. Amy had invited other friends of hers, one of which was Julie. "sigh"

Julie had come to this "moving party" with a guy. A guy who I assumed she was interested in. He was a cabdriver and boy did he think he had a personality.


I have a prejudice. I admit it. I unfairly judge J-Crew handsome heterosexual white males. I stereotype them as having no interesting thoughts in their head and unfunny and uncool... by my standards. I judge them as being unappreciative of the good looks they've been blessed with that give the illusion that they're trustworthy and good. The scene is easy to describe.

I'm on the subway and standing next to me is this couple. It's one of these guys and his extremely cute girlfriend. Her arms are up on his shoulders, hands clasped around his neck as she gazes up at him like a trophy. He maintains this empty game show host grin, his face scrunching horrendously. When he makes eye contact with her he scrunches his face even more so, something she's probably nicknamed his "cute bunny smile".

As she adoringly brushes something off of his face he fakes affection in return by whispering scat while he lightly drums her neck and shoulders "lovingly" (with his fingers as the drumsticks). She feigns enjoyment... so he does it more. The utter impersonal, unsensual nature of it all started me laughing. I had to turn my head to conceal it.

This guy kept going on and on about how interesting his job was, but he couldn't tell one story that was the least bit interesting. I took great pleasure in being funnier and cleverer than he. Unbeknownst to me I was impressing Julie.

When the move was over, my brother and I went home. I was completely unaware that I had made an impression on her. That was on a Saturday. The following Monday I get a call from Julie,
"Hey Bob, Rick gave Amy your number so that I could call you. I hope you don't mind? So what's up?"
I still had no idea what was happening. We talked small talk for awhile, then there was silence. I asked her "So Julie, what's up? Why did you call me?"
It never crossed my mind that she could have any interest in me beyond friendship.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime?" She asked.
This, my friends, was a first for me. Never before in the history of Bob had this kind of attention been paid to me. The year was 1995. I was 26 years old.

My self esteem was so bad off that I didn't make myself available to see her until the following Friday. I wanted to bask in the glory of being liked for a week before she found out how unattractive I really was. I remember her actually sighing on the phone when I told her that we couldn't go out until Friday because I had to work.

"You're gonna make me wait until Friday?" She sighed. It made my heart melt and leap all at once.

When Friday finally rolled around she drove up to visit me at my studio apartment in Chicago. How she gazed at me that evening I will never forget. I showed her my art, my music and my place. She showed me that look that says "I'm going to kiss you" for the very first time. That was how much it took for me to read her signals and understand that she was attracted to me.

I'd like to say that I've gotten better, more observant and wrought with confidence... but I can not.

In the yellow sidebar above I've listed out some very basic questions for any girls who are willing to take part in solving some mysteries for me. They may seem basic and obvious to you but I swear that the answers to them are priceless. I plan to post the replies in up coming pages of the Love Diaries.

 

 

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All opinions, writings, illustrations & designs are that of Normal Bob Smith (C) 2000 - 2009
NORMAL BOB SMITH DESIGN NEW YORK

 

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