The First Action
||Part 2, Paradise Missed
||Part 3, Poetic Justice
||Part 4, Thumbs Up 7Up!
I <3 NY
||Part 6, Junior Prom
The Most Important Girl
||Part 8, Julie
||Part 9, Yesterday Sucked
||Part 10, Between Friends
||Part 11, Questions Answered
Art School Confidential
||Part 13, Virginity Lost
I am very old and lying in my death bed I know that my one regret
will be that I didn't attempt to approach more girls who could have
been interested in me.
Despite all of my obnoxious
email sass, cocky better-than-God attitude as I masquerade around
Manhattan as the Prince of Darkness, I am still blind to the signals
women may be sending me.
I never approach girls that I haven't gotten some kind of signal
from (a smile, a touch, the words "ask me out god dammit").
With that said, I would love to have a general consensus to
These are all regarding
you (the girl) and a guy you've never met before.
#1) Would you smile at a guy walking down the street that you
wouldn't want to approach you?
#2) Would you touch a guy during a conversation that you weren't
#3) Would you start up a conversation with a guy sitting next
to you if you weren't interested?
me your answers here.
above questions are not posed to assist over-confident, athletic
types who go through girlfriends like they go through Budweisers.
The answers you give will help those who are single and usually
described by their personalities until there appearance is
My admitted prejudges
against the handsome, popular sporto has kept me from wanting
to use their tactics. I still carry an immature resentment
for the over masculine, white bred, sports-bar-hoppin' lady's
man. Subsequently I do not take the chance of approaching
girls I'm attracted to for fear of coming off like one of
Oh yeah, and I'm a coward.
My most fulfilling
and happiest relationships have happened with girls whom I've
approached. The ones where I saw some kind of signal and decided
to take the risk.
It isn't any great
revelation to say that most people are intimidated by those
they're attracted to. It's an affliction that goes double
for someone who suffers the fate of being unpopular and funny
looking early in life. I
was absolutely stunned when my first girlfriend approached
me for the first time.
My brother Rick
was asked to help his friend Amy move so he asked me to come
along and help as well. Amy had invited other friends of hers,
one of which was Julie. "sigh"
Julie had come
to this "moving party" with a guy. A guy who I assumed she
was interested in. He was a cabdriver and boy did he think
he had a personality.
a prejudice. I admit it. I unfairly judge J-Crew handsome
heterosexual white males. I stereotype them as having
no interesting thoughts in their head and unfunny and
uncool... by my standards. I judge them as being unappreciative
of the good looks they've been blessed with that give
the illusion that they're trustworthy and good. The
scene is easy to describe.
on the subway and standing next to me is this couple.
It's one of these guys and his extremely cute girlfriend.
Her arms are up on his shoulders, hands clasped around
his neck as she gazes up at him like a trophy. He maintains
this empty game show host grin, his face scrunching
horrendously. When he makes eye contact with her he
scrunches his face even more so, something she's probably
nicknamed his "cute bunny smile".
As she adoringly brushes something off of his face he
fakes affection in return by whispering scat while he
lightly drums her neck and shoulders "lovingly" (with
his fingers as the drumsticks). She feigns enjoyment...
so he does it more. The utter impersonal, unsensual
nature of it all started me laughing. I had to turn
my head to conceal it.
This guy kept going on
and on about how interesting his job was, but he couldn't tell one
story that was the least bit interesting. I took great pleasure
in being funnier and cleverer than he. Unbeknownst to me I was impressing
When the move was over,
my brother and I went home. I was completely unaware that I had
made an impression on her. That was on a Saturday. The following
Monday I get a call from Julie,
"Hey Bob, Rick gave Amy your number so that I could call you.
I hope you don't mind? So what's up?"
I still had no idea what was happening. We talked small talk for
awhile, then there was silence. I asked her "So Julie, what's
up? Why did you call me?"
It never crossed my mind that she could have any interest in me
"I was wondering
if you'd like to go out sometime?" She asked.
This, my friends, was a first for me. Never before in the
history of Bob had this kind of attention been paid to me.
The year was 1995. I was 26 years old.
My self esteem
was so bad off that I didn't make myself available to see
her until the following Friday. I wanted to bask in the glory
of being liked for a week before she found out how unattractive
I really was. I remember her actually sighing on the phone
when I told her that we couldn't go out until Friday because
I had to work.
make me wait until Friday?" She sighed. It made my heart
melt and leap all at once.
When Friday finally rolled
around she drove up to visit me at my studio apartment in Chicago.
How she gazed at me that evening I will never forget. I showed her
my art, my music and my place. She showed me that look that says
"I'm going to kiss you" for the very first time. That was how much
it took for me to read her signals and understand that she was attracted
I'd like to say that
I've gotten better, more observant and wrought with confidence...
but I can not.
In the yellow sidebar
above I've listed out some very basic questions for any girls who
are willing to take part in solving some mysteries for me. They
may seem basic and obvious to you but I swear that the answers to
them are priceless. I plan to post the replies in up coming pages
of the Love Diaries.