Love Diaries

Bob Love Diaries
The Romantic Confessions of a Virgin Prude

Part 11
Questions Answered III

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Part 1,
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Part 2, Paradise Missed
Part 3, Poetic Justice
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Part 6, Junior Prom
Part 7,
The Most Important Girl
Part 8, Julie
Part 9, Yesterday Sucked
Part 10, Between Friends
Part 11, Questions Answered
Part 12,
Art School Confidential
Part 13, Virginity Lost

Question #1) Would you smile at a guy walking down the street that you wouldn't want to approach you?

Question #2) Would you touch a guy during a conversation that you weren't interested in?

Question #3) Would you start up a conversation with a guy sitting next to you if you weren't interested?

#1 Well, if I smile at a guy walking down the street then that means that I think he is cute. There is not always the wish to approach him in the first place, but if he takes the chance anything can happen. After all I at least consider him cute, so he's got a chance

#2 No, most probably not. Maybe to pull him under the table when somebody starts shooting around, but otherwise not. I consider touching somebody a very clear sign and I would not risk to have somebody after me for the rest of the evening I cannot stand.

#3 Well, depends. Sometimes I really need to know what time it is or where to find the street called yadda. But if it is not a question like these but sort of small talk, or if I hesitate to walk away after I got my answer then it must be interest in the guy. So if a girl asks you what time it is and and does not completely turn or walk away within -let's say- two seconds try to keep the conversation going.

Anja Gawlik.

About your diaries, you posed some questions on one of the pages; I assume you're still looking for female input, so here goes:

Question One: smiling at guys. Yes, I smile at guys that I would like to approach me. Some days I also smile even if I'm not interested in quite that way. A hint for you, though: if she's smiling at you and has little crinkles and wrinkles around her eyes, it's a genuine smile. If she looks more like Vanna White when she flashes a smile at you, it's probably that social "I'm supposed to be polite" type of smile.

Question Two: touch during conversation. I won't touch someone I'm not comfortable with and who doesn't seem comfortable with me. Furthermore, since I'm at least as shy as you make yourself out to be, I don't initiate touch unless I think he's digging on me at least a little bit, too. But when I do reach out and take someone's hand, I mean it. It means I'm enjoying his company, I think he's spiffy, and I want to get to know him better.

Question Three: starting a conversation. Assuming there's not something going on that makes me double-take and go "what the hell are you doing?", I don't initiate conversations with strangers past small talk if I'm not interested in them. For being so shy I'm surprisingly discriminating sometimes -- to myself, anyway. If I think a conversation would be a waste of time . . . say the guy is an J-Crew model . . . I won't bother.

I speak only for myself here. I'm not by any stretch of the imagination typical of the women around me who are my age if my observations can be trusted. I don't go out to the area clubs with the intention of getting drunk and laid; I don't go to college to party even though that's what the main campus here is known for. Instead I mostly keep to myself, don't talk much with words, choose to express myself through my choice of academics and my writing, and wonder how I'm supposed to meet someone when on the rare occasion a guy seems to take an interest in me, I manage to make a complete ass out of myself.

I want to offer one more thought to you before I send this: don't take it personally. I know that's hard to do -- and I feel kind of hypocritical writing that when I myself take it personally when I get shot down. I've never told anyone about this before, but it illustrates why I'm saying it. When I was in junior high I was subject to a lot of sexual harassment. I was what was politely termed in my area at the time "an early bloomer", and a lot of guys took notice of that. I was constantly on my guard because it happened all the time and the administration refused to discipline anyone because "boys will be boys". Anyway, there was this one boy who would always come up to me and ask me out. He was never vulgar, always polite, and wanted me to see movies, go skating, etc. And I always shot him down in ways that were rude and, I imagine, particularly embarrassing at times. At the time I saw him as just another asshole guy, but looking back on it now that I'm older, I realize he wasn't. He was genuinely interested in getting to know me and had more guts than I think I'll ever have by coming back over and over again to ask me out in front of the other kids in the cafeteria every day. The worst part for me is that I never even bothered to ask his name, so now I have no way of finding him to apologize for being such a bitch.

I'm sure it's not just you, Bob. I'm certainly not the only one with demons in the past . . . and how is someone supposed to know that in a 30-second glance on the street? I hope my rambling has been useful to you. If it has and you think I can help you better understand the other half of the population, I'm willing to talk with you about it.

Jenn Wieda.

P.S .If you're reading this and you're the guy who got shot down, please e-mail me. I owe you a BIG apology.

Question #1) Would you smile at a guy walking down the street that you wouldn't want to approach you? Question #2) Would you touch a guy during a conversation that you weren't interested in? Question #3) Would you start up a conversation with a guy sitting next to you if you weren't interested?

Survey 121 females




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