diaries, you posed some questions on one of the pages;
I assume you're still looking for female input, so here
One: smiling at guys. Yes, I smile at guys that I would
like to approach me. Some days I also smile even if
I'm not interested in quite that way. A hint for you,
though: if she's smiling at you and has little crinkles
and wrinkles around her eyes, it's a genuine smile.
If she looks more like Vanna White when she flashes
a smile at you, it's probably that social "I'm supposed
to be polite" type of smile.
Two: touch during conversation. I won't touch someone
I'm not comfortable with and who doesn't seem comfortable
with me. Furthermore, since I'm at least as shy as you
make yourself out to be, I don't initiate touch unless
I think he's digging on me at least a little bit, too.
But when I do reach out and take someone's hand, I mean
it. It means I'm enjoying his company, I think he's
spiffy, and I want to get to know him better.
Three: starting a conversation. Assuming there's not
something going on that makes me double-take and go
"what the hell are you doing?", I don't initiate conversations
with strangers past small talk if I'm not interested
in them. For being so shy I'm surprisingly discriminating
sometimes -- to myself, anyway. If I think a conversation
would be a waste of time . . . say the guy is an J-Crew
model . . . I won't bother.
I speak only
for myself here. I'm not by any stretch of the imagination
typical of the women around me who are my age if my
observations can be trusted. I don't go out to the area
clubs with the intention of getting drunk and laid;
I don't go to college to party even though that's what
the main campus here is known for. Instead I mostly
keep to myself, don't talk much with words, choose to
express myself through my choice of academics and my
writing, and wonder how I'm supposed to meet someone
when on the rare occasion a guy seems to take an interest
in me, I manage to make a complete ass out of myself.
I want to
offer one more thought to you before I send this: don't
take it personally. I know that's hard to do -- and
I feel kind of hypocritical writing that when I myself
take it personally when I get shot down. I've never
told anyone about this before, but it illustrates why
I'm saying it. When I was in junior high I was subject
to a lot of sexual harassment. I was what was politely
termed in my area at the time "an early bloomer", and
a lot of guys took notice of that. I was constantly
on my guard because it happened all the time and the
administration refused to discipline anyone because
"boys will be boys". Anyway, there was this one boy
who would always come up to me and ask me out. He was
never vulgar, always polite, and wanted me to see movies,
go skating, etc. And I always shot him down in ways
that were rude and, I imagine, particularly embarrassing
at times. At the time I saw him as just another asshole
guy, but looking back on it now that I'm older, I realize
he wasn't. He was genuinely interested in getting to
know me and had more guts than I think I'll ever have
by coming back over and over again to ask me out in
front of the other kids in the cafeteria every day.
The worst part for me is that I never even bothered
to ask his name, so now I have no way of finding him
to apologize for being such a bitch.
it's not just you, Bob. I'm certainly not the only one
with demons in the past . . . and how is someone supposed
to know that in a 30-second glance on the street? I
hope my rambling has been useful to you. If it has and
you think I can help you better understand the other
half of the population, I'm willing to talk with you
P.S .If you're
reading this and you're the guy who got shot down, please
e-mail me. I owe you a BIG apology.
#1) Would you smile at a guy walking down the street that you
wouldn't want to approach you?
#2) Would you touch a guy during a conversation that you weren't
#3) Would you start up a conversation with a guy sitting next
to you if you weren't interested?