Bob Love Diaries
The Romantic Confessions of a Virgin Prude

Part 12
Art School Confidential

The year was 1989 and I was in Art School, and my best friend was Chris. We went to school together, had all of our classes together, did LSD together, listened to Zodiac Mind Warp together, and partied together. And it was Chris who pointed out Jennifer to me as his dream girl. I remember making the comparison of her to the illustrated Alice in those Alice in Wonderland books. She seemed mysterious. That's what it was. She kept to herself, stayed in her own world and was generally quiet most of the time. But every once in a while when she did say something, it was sharp and fuckin' funny. It was about a week after Chris had pointed her out that I started to fall for her too. It's funny how just being with someone who's drooling over somebody can change your perspective completely on her. That's what it was. His constant fawning over her was talking me into the idea. And little did he know what a mistake he was making going on and on about her. He was talking me into her. Jennifer noticed that she had both of our attention. She started to flirt with us here and there, making sexual comments around us and shit like that. Chris was her puppy. He'd sit when she'd say sit. Come when she's say come. And, as you'll see, stay when she said stay. She knew she had him wrapped around her finger, and Chris told me all about it when we were hanging out. He had fallen for her completely.

Now, Jennifer had a boyfriend. Pat. He was never ever around. She lived at his place and it was kind of obvious to everyone that their relationship had grown stale and neither of them were stepping up in regards to whatever it was they had. Jennifer was bored.

I remember the first time she flirted with me. It was on a day when she chose to wear a pair of jeans with a huge hole in the seat, to the point where you could see ass! At the time, it was one of the sexiest things I had ever laid my eyes on. The three of us were in a Photography class together, and her and I were in the darkroom developing film and making prints. I remember being side by side with her there and her telling me what a great place this would be to make-out. Me, still being the pathetic virgin that i was, simply laughed and agreed and did everything in my power to act cool. No, I didn't have enough power. And I remember that from then on I too was in for the long haul on the Jennifer-love-train. I was just that easy. It sucked! I'd been paid so little attention by girls my whole life that the second anyone showed any interest at all, or even smile purposely at me, I was love-struck!

Chris and I both were pathetic. The three of us started hangin' out together, and it lasted for a while. For a short time Chris and I were each at that point where we could talk about her being cool and hot and everything, but hide the deeper feelings we had for her because of the situation. But this never lasts. Jennifer started to play favorites, and I was the favorite.

She would play footsie with me under the table while the three of us were were together. Then, she'd start to get more frank, and say flirt above the table for all to see. I could see Chris sinking in his chair the more she favored me, and I did not give a shit. I remember him and I in the car together, me feeling so great and him feeling like shit, and neither of us able to discuss it with the other because, well, you know.

Then one day Jennifer made a bold move. While Chris and I sat there working on our projects in class, she came up and said to me, "Wanna go get lunch?" I said "Sure!" and got my things together to leave, and Chris started to do the same, when Jennifer said "No, Chris, you stay here. I just want to go with Bob."
I was shocked at her bluntness! How could she say this to my friend? How could she be so heartless? She knew Chris had it for her bad. And I didn't even think twice about leaving him there alone.

At lunch, we played footsie under the table, and the conversation was heavy with sexual overtones. She told me she was attracted to me, and I told her the same. I think we even held hands there on the table. I was 19 years old and this was all totally new to me. I wasn't ready for it, and I'm sure it was as obvious as the bulge in my pants. After this I couldn't think about anything else. I remember even praying to God at the side of my bed for her to want me as much as I wanted her. Then the phone rang. It was Jennifer and she'd just gotten in a huge argument with Pat and wanted to see me.

She said she wanted to meet me in this park, and I, being the love-struck-pawn that I was, leaped to my feet and sped there dreaming of us happily ever after. My heart pounded as I drove there to meet her. Was she going to proclaim her love for me? Would we do it right there in the park? What was her plan? Surly she had everything worked out and I just needed to synchronize it with my love-schedule (which was wide open)! I was completely along for the ride, as any victim of a crush is.

So there we were, sitting on that park bench together. She was sad, but I don't remember her crying at all (I was disappointed by that). And as I remember it, I basically drove all the way out there to listen to her bitch about Pat. She went on and on and I don't remember a word of it. And when I worked up the courage to say the words "What about us?" She said, "Oh, I'd never do anything behind Pat's back." And that was that. Maybe if I'd been more of a playah I could have taken her right there and done all kinds of things to her behind Pat's back. But I was not a playah. I was a putz, so I pouted and left, And I pouted every day after that ruining both my friendship with Jennifer and Chris. I was very good at giving the silent treatment.

Best part is, upon graduation at out portfolio review Jennifer came out of the woodwork and was hangin' all over me. I ahd spent like $400 on this new wave suit at the mall, my hair was perfect, my projects amazing, and I had confidence. That's all it ever takes. I could never fake it though. But every time I've been blessed with it for real, the girls have stood up and taken notice.

I never talked to Jennifer again after graduation, and I was to remain a virgin for many many years to follow, I showed HER!!!

All opinions, writings, illustrations & designs are that of Normal Bob Smith (C) 2000 - 2009
NORMAL BOB SMITH DESIGN NEW YORK