April 13, 2004


Parenting Your Life, So You Don't Have To.


The Carmouche Team!
Known amongst their peers as "Double-C-Double-C"
If you're ever out to find the most screwball, unprofessional, extremist, anti-free-speech, republican monkeys on the Net, look no further than the Laptop Lobbyists!

Founded on the stereotypical ideals of a 72 year old right-wing Shriner, the anti-humor organization consists entirely of only 3 people: Carter Clews, Christine Carmouche and Christopher Carmouche (can you spell nepotism?). They are widely considered the Keystone Cops of the Right Wing! With their bumbling writing skills, intermediate web design and complete lack of anything resembling an enduring personality, the Laptop Lobbyists have successfully found their way into your home. Happy fucking Easter.

The anti-fun organization not only despises my magnets, but they also despise me as a person. From my prancing around in my horns and red paint, to the obscene gestures of my Unholy Army of Catholic School Girls, they've really made this personal!

"He [Normal Bob Smith] calls himself 'the God of Atheism,' and you can see pictures of him in various settings, a nasty little smirk on his face."
Laptop Lobbyist
April, 2004

The one thing I have never advocated is the shutting-up of the opposition (or anyone for that matter). I've always encouraged everyone to express their opinions and ideas, whether they be a republican or democrat, Christian or non, idiot or genius, anti Normal Bob or pro Normal Bob. Speak and let your voice be heard! Expose what it is you believe so that it can either be trumpeted or scorned. I post the opposing viewpoints on my site and I do it with glee.

The Free Speech amendment is so catastrophically important because that is where all things begin. All ideas, inventions, breakthroughs and things productive or harmful for mankind start with the spoken word. Silencing any spoken word completely is/and should be recognized as a horror, a crime and the beginning of the end.

Why would anybody want to completely eliminate any viewpoint? There is no greater way to showcase your own views than by arguing the opposition's... unless you aren't right. If you aren't correct in your ideas and guestimations then the last thing you want to hear is opposition. There is no other legitimate reason to completely silence the "other side".

And we are not talking about the silencing of words that put people in danger or break laws. That is a totally different subject and has nothing to do with me, my writings or my art. We are talking about words and art that express a viewpoint that some people don't agree with and being silenced because of it. Nothing more.

We are also not talking about pornography or violence. These are things that have nothing to do with me, or why I've been silenced, shut down and condemned. The only "violent act" in question is a cartoon Jesus with nails in His hands and feet... and if that's the image of violence you're trying to eradicate you're going to have to start with your own side of the fence first.


So why is it that the Laptop Lobbyists are so adamant about banning my site, magnets and business from the Internet completely? Is it because they believe no one should hear the ideas of somebody who doesn't believe in God? Do they believe that I am distributing illegal products or pornography? Is it simply because they are offended?

Or, God forbid, is it because there is an opportunity to profit off of this? Let it be known that the Laptop Lobbyists are charging $20 for the service of sending out a computer generated email to the management of Urban Outfitters, ICANN, Network Solutions, VeriSign and Pick Internet Inc. That's $20 for something they could just as easily let people copy and paste into an email window themselves (with the provided email addresses and protest form letters) for no charge at all. Wouldn't that get more people sending in their protests, serving their mission all the better?
Laptop Lobbyist members work fervently to ban all skepticism of Jesus Christ.

* Getting my magnets off of Urban's shelves is small time. Everyone knows that it's only been free advertising for me. I can still do all of my business on the web... and business has never been better.

* Getting the site shut down for several days, with faxes, phone calls, and emails was also only a temporary solution for them. There are sites with far worse content than mine surviving on the Internet. A new host will always be right around the corner. The waves of support that came in when I needed help assured me that hosting will never again be an issue.

* Trying to high jack the URL addresses (JesusDressUp.com & NormalBobSmith.com) is a flat out attempt to remove me from the Internet completely. That is no longer about boycotting or protesting a business (as they've done with Urban Outfitters & Pick Internet, the previous host of my site). Harassing the business that provides me with my .com's is about silencing me... completely.

It also doesn't take very long to figure out that these guys are small time. Their pages are put together by amateurs, they have numerous misspellings and grammatical errors and, quite frankly, it's written like a high schooler bellyaching over an ex girlfriend. But it's the idiots that are to be feared most of all, because they're all knees and elbows (if you know what I mean).

When retards fight there are no rules, and they'll do the stupidest shit without forethought or regard. They want money and they'll do what they have to do to get it. Click here to see what I mean...

To help conserve time and effort for curious members-to-be of the Laptop Lobbyist activist group, I've constructed a more focused and tweaked list of specific thoughts, beliefs and actions that they are going to ban from the American public. Here is the list, in order, as it appears on their very own site, dedicated to me, so listen up!

Absolutely NO...

idicule of religious beliefs.
ffending decent religious people.
ale yellow depiction of Jesus Christ.
oung girls, grinning and making obscene gestures with the middle finger.
humbing one's nose at Right-wing Christians.
n-your-face, spoiled rotten adolescents.
ippies and counter culture types.
reeps that run around in Halloween costumes.
iciously greedy opportunists.

So for just $20 you can help ban these things from planet earth. Have a pre written complaint letter "Insta-faxed" with your name at the top and bottom, generated by a preprogrammed web page. Of course, an "Insta-fax you could very well copy/paste & send yourself, provided with the appropriate email addresses and fax numbers... but what's the point of that?

The Laptop Lobbyists accept all major credit cards, including Discover, American Express, eChecks, and PayPal direct deposits. Help stop the greed!

Laptop Lobbyists, Part 2
Their site