offer to not re-order any more Jesus Dress Up magnets is SIMPLY
NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I am appalled
that your company would choose to continue to profit from the sale
of an item clearly intended to ridicule the sincerely held religious
beliefs of millions of Americans. Christians believe that Jesus
Christ was the Son of God. Your Jesus Dress Up Kit presents Him
as a refrigerator magnet, wearing costumes designed to make Him
a laughing stock a hula skirt, a dress, a devil's costume, a beanie
with a propeller. And the kit offers two signs to place above His
head: HANG IN THERE BABY and TGIF.
and position give you no right to mock the beliefs of humbler people.
What satisfaction could you possibly derive from such tasteless
cruelty? PULL THE ITEM FROM THE SHELVES NOW!
To ICANN, Network
Solutions, VeriSign and Pick Internet Inc.:
www.jesusdressup.com and www.normalbobsmith.com feature the vilest,
most disgusting hate speech against Christians I have seen in my
life. Furthermore, these sites make allusions to Nazi Germany,
the Ku Klux Klan and child molestation. Furthermore ["Furthermore"
again? So soon?], the site owner has falsified his Registrant
Information.* As such, he is in violation
of basic internet [It's "Internet"
with a capital "i". Sheesh!] Terms Of Service and
Acceptable Use Policies. And FURTHERMORE!
[Ha ha! Just bustin' your balls, L.L.] I call upon you to
enforce common standards of Terms Of Service and Acceptable Use
Policies and TERMINATE his service NOW.
* [Ahem. I am proud to say that my registration
information (as mentioned above) has been updated, per Internet
Terms of Service standards, so eat my poo. And everyone who attaches
their name to these documents becomes part of the misinformation.
Congratulations Laptop Lobbyists. You're doing a bang up job here.]
$20? For what? A computer generated Insta-fax (whatever that is).
That takes neither man-hours or machines, correct? Where's that
money going? The "heroes" running this web site?]
TAKE THE "DRESS UP JESUS" OFF YOUR SHELVES TODAY! [I
think they meant to say "URBAN OUTFITTERS, TAKE THE DRESS
UP..." It should be a comma, not a colon, right? The way
they wrote it makes it seem like it's a quote from Urban. "URBAN
OUTFITTERS SAYS: TAKE THE JESUS MAGNETS OFF YOUR SHELVES TODAY!"
What a neat statement that turns out to be!]
As I write this
letter, news is already circulating throughout the conservative
community that we've won a victory. People are under the
false impression that Urban Outfitters is no longer selling the
"Dress Up Jesus" magnet. [It's so
neat to me how they switch back and fourth between bold and underlined
and normal again. It's like they've just discovered how to do that
and think that it makes the statements look stronger. Instead it
just makes them look like amateurs.]
But such is
not the case. Meredith Bruce, spokesperson for Urban Outfitters
released a statement saying that Urban Outfitters would not be re-ordering
the item but that they will continue to sell the inventory on
hand. [And they got tons! The Urban Outfitters
on 14th Street here in Manhattan still has piles of them. My magnets
have got their very own display stand facing the front door and
everything! They're a star attraction! I love it.]
This is NO
VICTORY! [Duh. My sales couldn't be better,
and I must MUST -- do something about it right now a sneering,
deadly, eternally damning
attack on the crucified Christ does not cease to be a sneering attack
on the crucified Christ simply because the
company perpetrating the insult "claims" they won't order anymore
of the item. [Actually,
Urban did offer up the possibility of ordering a Christmas version
of Jesus Dress Up from me... without the Satan costume, of course!
That should be okay, right?]
me be very clear. URBAN OUTFITTERS NEEDS TO TAKE DRESS UP JESUS
OFF THE SHELVES TODAY!
[$20?!? Again!?!? Hey... here's an idea; Howz about
posting the email address and/or fax numbers along with the "complaint"
form letter and charging your supporters $0 to fight your "urgent"
cause? Or is it NOT about the cause!? You frauds.]
You have to
wonder how anyone could be so twisted as to market such a hateful
product. [Is it now "twisted" to
believe that Jesus wasn't really god? Is that where we're at here?
What the fuck?]
And the more
you explore it, the more you realize the depths of its depravity.
It's like diving into a septic tank.
-- an international chain with headquarters in Philadelphia has
been selling a new "novelty item" -- a refrigerator magnet
called the Jesus Dress Up Kit. [And
what's with all of this horrible structuring of sentences? It's
like they don't know how to form paragraphs so they just make every
sentence a paragraph. I tell ya, these dolts are in Juniour High!]
A crudely rendered,
two-dimensional Christ is hanging on the cross, wearing nothing
but a loin cloth. [What? Hey! I worked damn
hard illustrating those tighty-whities! Get it right!]
-- perhaps your child or grandchild "GASP!"
-- is provided with a number of outfits to put on the
Is someone crying foul on that?]
a hula skirt
a woman's dress
a devil's costume [That's
a skull-and-cross-bones T-shirt [Crossbones?
a beanie with a propeller on it [Can
you blame me for grinning like a proud father?]
when friends come to visit, you're supposed to take them into kitchen
to laugh at Jesus [Yes!
They finally get it!]
who looks ridiculous wearing a dress or beanie as He hangs on the
cross, giving His life to atone for the sins of the world.
And if that
isn't bad enough [Oh,
wait... they're disapproving of the laughter... nm],
The Kit provides
a sign to place above Jesus' head. The sign reads: HANG IN THERE
BABY. And in case the buyer doesn't think that's funny enough,
the Kit also contains a sign that says T.G.I.F. (Thank God It's
Friday) > [I
think they wrote it out because many old people still haven't heard
that one. Laptop knows its audience.]
[JESUS CHRIST! $20 again?!? Have you no shame?
It's a web site for God's sake, not the fucking Uni-bomber, you
you suppose Urban Outfitters was unaware that this item would be
deeply offensive to Christians?
Many of you
have heard that Urban Outfitters has agreed to stop selling this
item. But that's not entirely true. Urban Outfitters has merely
stated that they will not re-order the item, but they continue to
sell the existing stock that is already shelved and warehoused --
That's just not good enough. The item needs to be pulled from
the shelves TODAY!
AND WHAT DOES
It means that
Urban Outfitters caters to those who like the Roman soldiers --scorn
Jesus, ridicule Him as he hangs on the cross, and derive perverse
pleasure from offending His followers. [Um,
and don't they also cater to God, like the Romans did? I mean, God
set the whole deal up from the beginning, right?]
If this nasty
trifling were directed against any other faith Islam, for example
it would be called "bigotry" and the left-wing war drums
would be beating. But these days it's open season on Christianity,
isn't it? [Yes,
you fools! Because we are living in a Christian dominated country!
It's called a backlash, you ignorant dolts.]
We find anti-Christian
hostility everywhere -- in the halls of Congress, in organizations
like the ACLU and People for the American Way, in television sitcoms,
in Hollywood, in our schools, and now in corporations like Urban
the way, what do we know about this sleazy operation?
"sleazy operation" jab is in reference to Urban Outfitters.
Not me! "Whew" Dodged that one!]
It isn't just
a local Mom-and-Pop company funneling its garbage into some one-stop-light
town. It's a giant chain that has stores in every region of the
United States and overseas as well.
and CEO, Mr. Richard Hayne once a poor counter-culture drifter
-- is now mega-rich [HATE
He's made hundreds of millions of dollars by selling off-beat, 1970s-style
clothes and other gimmicks to teenagers in some 50 stores. Oh yes,
and he also sells Christ-bashing to Americans and to buyers in other
yes, and he also rapes handicapped children for profit. Nothin'
big. Just the ultimate crime against humanity. That's all. Ho hum]
Do you want
him peddling his contempt for Jesus worldwide? If not, tell him
so RIGHT NOW.
[Yeah. $20. We get the picture. You want my
$20. You know, last time I checked, stamps for emails cost 0¢
and selling a form letter of protest reeked of opportunistic greed.]
course, Richard Hayne and Urban Outfitters didn't invent the Jesus
Dress Up Kit.
Here's where I get my props! I can't wait!]
creator of this obscene and blasphemous material calls himself "Normal
Bob Smith." :::goosebumps:::
He claims to
have sold around 5,000 kits at $14 apiece, which would mean he has
grossed approximately $70,000. [Okay,
let's clear this up right now. The majority of magnets were sold
wholesale (half price or less when sold in bulk). It's way too close
to tax time to let fibs like this go public uncontested. Nice
government... *pats head* nice government. Happy thoughts... happy
thoughts... heh heh.]
who claims to have been a Christian until he turned 30 [Wait,
are they suggesting that I'm lying about that?] prances
around in public [Do I prance? *blushes*]
wearing horns and red paint that make him look like the devil.
You can find him on his website dressed in this costume. He calls
himself "the God of Atheism," [Yay!
They quoted that! I can't believe it! It worked! It worked!!! Hahahaha!]
and you can see pictures of him in various settings, a nasty little
smirk on his face. He looks like a sick Pee Wee Herman. [Flattered
features Normal Bob parading down the streets of Manhattan with
what he calls his "Unholy Army of Catholic School Girls."
Here is his account:
so proud of my little darlings. I mean, they're so Unholy! They
even lured me into a church (God I hate those), and we knelt on
one of those weird little doohickeys and posed with the Big Guy
Himself up there on that "T" thingy. What do you call
it again? Bah, nevermind. You know what I'm talkin' about. The
thing He died on. Anyways, it was neat." [Goddamn,
I can be a funny bastard when I want to be!]
On the website
you can also see a couple of these young girls, grinning and making
obscene gestures. [It's called "flippin'
the bird" you pansies.]
Then, if you
have the stomach for it, you can enter a separate site called www.jesusdressup.com,
which makes the Jesus Dress Up Kit look like Little Orphan Annie
site is called FINAL JUSTICE and again Jesus is hanging on
the cross, waiting to be dressed. Except this time the costumes
available are even more insulting, more degrading, the most contemptible
things a diseased mind can devise:
a Nazi uniform [Uh oooohh. How'd they
find that page? *blushes again*]
a clown's suit
[Christ, do they even know that's John Wayne
Gacy? Stupid fucks.]
panties and a bra [Marilyn
Manson. I worked hard on that!]
a Ku Klux Klan Robe
[Is that bad?]
and a T-shirt bearing the inscription NAMBLA, which is an international
society of men who molest boys
[It seems like I should be ashamed,
doesn't it? But I'm not? Do I have a problem? Nah... it's everyone
is full of e-mails from believers who have been deeply shocked and
hurt by what he's said and done. He reprints these letters with
obvious glee. [This written by someone who
would never dream of allowing the opposition space to debate]
He enjoys thumbing his nose at people like us. [Yes.
Very true. And I'm doing it again. Right here. Right now.]
[And for everyone who pays the $20 gets to
have their name attached to misinformation and mediocre writing-
furthermore, furthermore, furthermore....]
Apologized Before: Let's Make Them Apologize Again
Christ. Are they serious? They want an apology? This is so fucking
this project, I discovered that Urban Outfitters makes a business
of offending people undoubtedly to please the in-your-face, spoiled-rotten
adolescents [Ouch! That's you people! I'd
be pissed if I were you reading this!]
most of the company's customers.
Less than a
year ago, the company sold a board game called Ghettopoly that hurt
and angered the Black community. Here is a description of the game
by the manufacturer:
properties, pimpin hoes, building crack houses and projects, paying,
protection fees and getting car jacked are some of the elements
of the game. Not dope enough? If you don't have the money that
you owe to the loan shark you might just land yourself in da Emergency
Room. [Wait! Now I'm totally offended!
I hope they banned this horrible product!]
Black leaders complained that Ghettopoly was racist and an insult
to Black city dwellers, Urban Outfitters pulled the game. [Yay!
Now I can sleep tonight. Yawn.]
year, Urban Outfitters released a line of ethnic t-shirts, featuring
the language EVERYONE LOVES A JEWISH GIRL surrounded by dollar signs.
League wrote to Urban Outfitters to complain that the shirt reinforced
a negative association between Jews and money and, as such, perpetuated
an offensive stereotype.
Outfitters apologized and discontinued the line.
is our apology? Whaaaaaaa!
good for the politically-correct goose is good for the decent God-fearing
gander. [Oh! Clever analogy! Way to connect
with your hillbilly audience] Urban Outfitters is going to
apologize and once your Insta-Faxes [You know
they're giggling to themselves everytime they say that. "Insta-Faxes"...
I love it!] start pouring in and our press releases pour
out to over 20,000 media outlets and personalities, they're going
to take that offensive product off the shelves.
["predators?" Wouldn't you agree
that that label takes a lot of weight out of a word that used to
refer to child molesters and rapists?] at Urban Outfitters
are disgusting, opportunistic and viciously greedy. "Cough!
Laptoplobbyists! Cough cough!" They are willing
to exploit naked bigotry -- whether anti-Christian or anti-black
or anti-parent -- for cold, hard cash. They represent the darkest
impulses in contemporary America.
Hayne started his business in 1970, he called it "The Free
People¹s Store" a name that appealed to the hippies and counter-culture
freaks that were swarming all over the country at the time
Damn hippies! -- burning schools, blowing up police stations,
and trashing decent hard-working folks everywhere.
That era has
long past, but Hayne apparently still lives in it, still wants to
tear down this country and its most sacred institutions, still wants
to make trouble for trouble's sake.
O.K., if he
wants trouble, let's give it to him in a big way! [Oh
Laptop Lobbyists. You pawns you.] Let's speak with one voice,
telling him we won't allow Jesus Christ or any other religious figure
to be ridiculed just to line his pockets and the pockets of some
creep who runs around dressed in a Halloween costume. [Yay!
can strike a blow for all that is good and decent.
2020 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W., Suite 3270,
Washington, D.C. 20006