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Unholy Army Tour, Chicago 11/29/07

On November 29th, 2007, in the city of Chicago, history was made. On that Thursday evening, at Medusa's Circle in Wrigleyville, Trisha Star and I officially launched the Normal Bob Smith Unholy Army Tour. And it was indeed one for the record books.

Medusa's was the perfect starting point for our inked-up, glam-a-billy, Heaven vs Hell battle-royal-to-the-deathscapade! If you're anyone who's anyone and you've even passed through Chicago you know about Medusa's Circle, and Pier & Lora made me and everyone who came for the magnet signing feel right at home.

Happy fans with signed 8X10

I posed for pictures with some of the most adorable people you could only hope to meet when you're the Prince of Darkness in a slim-fitted tuxedo and platform shoes.

No joke, I seriously have the cutest, friendliest, sharpest fans ever, and it was a delight to meet each and every one of them and actually having some quiet time before the storm to socialize with like-minded peeps.

But it was a quick hour, and before I knew it I was being whisked off for a night of red-carpet treatment at the legendary underground nightclub Neo.


* * * * * *


Me & ?

Okay you know how when you go out for evening of cocktails and afterwards you clearly remember having been nothing but a perfect gentleman, impressing everyone with your sophistication and class and then having left at a respectable hour looking like a newborn kitten, and afterwards when you see pictures of yourself you notice that instead you were a sweaty, meat-hooked, pelvic-thrusting impregnating machine who's every parent's nightmare?

Well let me tell you about our night at Neo.

If you're Satan, and you wanna be treated like one of the Top 4 gods that you are, and your crew given the kind of respect you can only get when Devil's Business is your main objective, then Neo is the place to deliver yourself.

And I want to give Unholy Schoolgirl Ang a gargantuan black-lipped kiss for setting us up with our own corner to let our twisted plan unfold and look like mutha-fuckin' playahs at the main table with all the shorties a pimpin' love-machine could dream of. And, Boy-Christ, we gave everyone what they were askin' for, and more!

Jesus Dressup, Ang and I

I didn't stand a chance. The second we got there the doors were flung open, and there was a giant bouncer there sayin' "Welcome Satan." And we were waved in, and before I could even figure out which end was up shots were going round, and schoolgirls were pushing their backsides into everyone's special places!

How do you get your brain to catchup with your bone when you're thrown in that haphazard? People, I didn't even bother. And whether I like it or not there's pictures on the internet to prove it. Sin was in the air and everyone could feel the godless love moving through their underpants!

Me & killer schoolgirl

I am so thankful I have Trisha Star playing for my team and keeping an eye on me. I know how to find serious trouble when I'm up to my horns in beautiful babes, and intoxicating sounds and beverages. If these things are only going to get bigger and better as we go then I'm in fucking trouble! Everybody there was breakin' Commandments! You know, I should probably consider getting a vasectomy.

But it was seriously the greatest night! We were selling magnets by the handfuls, people were thanking me for the site, all while I was keeping the tables and bar stocked with GOD IS FAKES and Jesus Dressup flyers. Then they'd all be gone the next time I circled and in people's hands while they were laughing and having more fun than anyone in Heaven. I bet you nine months from that night lots of little atheists are gonna be hatching.

There was a rich, friendly vibe in the air, and the appreciation was for real. It felt great to be back in this home again... surrounded by hot schoolgirls... with about 10 hard drinks upside my head. Yeesh!

Hey, I'm not kiddin' about the overload. I was going to Ang's bar to order ice-waters, and getting them served to me with a side of Jagermeister with a couple schoolgirls at the end of the bar waving-n-winking 'cause it's on them! Of course I'd completely forget to even look at the ice water, down the shot(s), and continue until the ice-waters I'd once ordered "responsibly" blended seamlessly into the empty shot glasses and ashtrays. Thus, the cross-eyed, shiny-faced red devil standing before you.
My dancing shoes were set to Eleven up until about 3:30 in the morning. Then, alone, I stumbled out into the night and hailed a cab. And when the cabby asked me why it was that I dressed like I this, I replied: "Because I'm Satan, and I've had a lot to drink and I just need to go home."

Photos by Tony Perez & Devil Bunny.
For pictures from that night check out the Tour Gallery,
and Devil Bunny Photography gallery.