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Unholy
Army Tour, Chicago 11/29/07
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On
November 29th, 2007, in the city of Chicago, history
was made. On that Thursday evening, at Medusa's Circle
in Wrigleyville, Trisha Star and I officially launched
the Normal Bob Smith Unholy Army Tour. And it was indeed
one for the record books.
Medusa's was the perfect starting point for our inked-up,
glam-a-billy, Heaven vs Hell battle-royal-to-the-deathscapade!
If you're anyone who's anyone and you've even passed
through Chicago you know about Medusa's Circle, and
Pier
& Lora made me and everyone who came for the
magnet signing feel right at home. |
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Happy fans with signed 8X10
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I posed for pictures with some of the most adorable
people you could only hope to meet when you're the
Prince of Darkness in a slim-fitted tuxedo and platform
shoes.
No joke, I seriously have the cutest, friendliest,
sharpest fans ever, and it was a delight to meet each
and every one of them and actually having some quiet
time before the storm to socialize with like-minded
peeps.
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| But it was a quick hour, and before I knew
it I was being whisked off for a night of red-carpet treatment
at the legendary underground nightclub Neo. |
* * * * * *
Me & ?
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Okay you know how when you go out for evening of
cocktails and afterwards you clearly remember having
been nothing but a perfect gentleman, impressing everyone
with your sophistication and class and then having
left at a respectable hour looking like a newborn
kitten, and afterwards when you see pictures of yourself
you notice that instead you were a sweaty, meat-hooked,
pelvic-thrusting impregnating machine who's every
parent's nightmare?
Well let me tell you about our night at Neo.
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If
you're Satan, and you wanna be treated like one of the
Top 4 gods that you are, and your crew given the kind
of respect you can only get when Devil's Business is
your main objective, then Neo is the place to deliver
yourself.
And I want to give Unholy Schoolgirl Ang
a gargantuan black-lipped kiss for setting us up with
our own corner to let our twisted plan unfold and look
like mutha-fuckin' playahs at the main table with all
the shorties a pimpin' love-machine could dream of.
And, Boy-Christ, we gave everyone what they were askin'
for, and more! |
Jesus Dressup, Ang and I
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Listen.
I didn't stand a chance. The second we got there the
doors were flung open, and there was a giant bouncer
there sayin' "Welcome Satan." And
we were waved in, and before I could even figure out
which end was up shots were going round, and schoolgirls
were pushing their backsides into everyone's special
places!
How do you get your brain to catchup with your bone
when you're thrown in that haphazard? People, I didn't
even bother. And whether I like it or not there's pictures
on the internet to prove it. Sin was in the air and
everyone could feel the godless love moving through
their underpants! |
Me & killer schoolgirl |
I am so thankful I have Trisha Star playing
for my team and keeping an eye on me. I know how to
find serious trouble when I'm up to my horns in beautiful
babes, and intoxicating sounds and beverages. If these
things are only going to get bigger and better as we
go then I'm in fucking trouble! Everybody there was
breakin' Commandments! You know, I should probably consider
getting a vasectomy.
But it was seriously the greatest night! We were selling
magnets by the handfuls, people were thanking me for
the site, all while I was keeping the tables and bar
stocked with GOD IS FAKES and Jesus Dressup flyers.
Then they'd all be gone the next time I circled and
in people's hands while they were laughing and having
more fun than anyone in Heaven. I bet you nine months
from that night lots of little atheists are gonna be
hatching. |
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| There was a rich, friendly vibe in the air, and the
appreciation was for real. It felt great to be back in
this home again... surrounded by hot schoolgirls... with
about 10 hard drinks upside my head. Yeesh! |
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Hey, I'm not kiddin' about
the overload. I was going to Ang's bar to order ice-waters,
and getting them served to me with a side of Jagermeister
with a couple schoolgirls at the end of the bar waving-n-winking
'cause it's on them! Of course I'd completely forget
to even look at the ice water, down the shot(s), and
continue until the ice-waters I'd once ordered "responsibly"
blended seamlessly into the empty shot glasses and ashtrays.
Thus, the cross-eyed, shiny-faced red devil standing
before you. |
| My dancing shoes were set to Eleven up until about 3:30
in the morning. Then, alone, I stumbled out into the night
and hailed a cab. And when the cabby asked me why it was
that I dressed like I this, I replied: "Because
I'm Satan, and I've had a lot to drink and I just need
to go home." |
Photos by Tony Perez & Devil Bunny.
For pictures from that night check out the Tour
Gallery,
and Devil
Bunny Photography gallery.
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