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There
was the most heartwarming reunion of friends this last Wednesday.
It was between me and the Unholy Army of Catholic School Girls!
Why such a reunion? Because it was time once again to paint
the town Godless!
Kat, Lisa
and Anto, with newcomers NiXXX and Wendy, all reuniting again
under the same roof (Starbucks) for what we knew would be
another exciting day without God! Little did we know what
an extra ordinary day it'd be!
...Oh, who am I kidding. We fucking knew. |
Me & the girls at Starbucks discussing
plans to take over the universe now that we've so easily defeated
God. |
Katie
& Anto embrace after such a long time apart. |
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After
getting our picture taken in front of the touristy Cube we
made a mad dash to the subway bound for Times Square! With
handfuls of fliers and our hearts free of Jesus we hit the
city subways with a blasphemous bang!
Unruly
and unrepentant, I hardly have the power to keep the girls
behaved. What little control I've got I use to keep them within
40 feet of me. Other than that these trouble makers run the
show. I am but their mascot/mentor. |
On
the subway to Times Square. |
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The girls get sassy on the subway to Times Square. |
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When
we hit Times
Square is was like that scene from Reservoir Dogs. Fuck, we looked
so bad ass. It gets that George Baker song goin' through my
head just seein' this picture to the left... "Lookin'
back, on the track, for a little green baaag, Gotta find just
that kind or losin' my minnnnd..." |
So we
I went to where the action was... Spiderman!
During
a minor no-contact, photo-opt confrontation, I proved victorious,
defeating the second most popular superhero on the planet
(second only to Jesus).
But it
wasn't long before my strength was put to the ultimate test
against another super hero who's the embodiment of both Jesus'
love and sculpted physique. Who could that be?
The Naked
Cowboy (looking
doughier than usual) immediately caught the girls' eyes. Fortunately,
and not surprisingly, he had a tattoo of Jesus Christ on his
left shoulder and this sent the girls screaming! |
I
know it looks as if he got a good hit in but just after this
picture was taken I ate him.
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The fliers
that were offered him were tossed to the ground while he stated "I don't want any part of this!" Almost as
if he were about to cry. Some cowboy! Pansy.
Offending
the Naked Cowboy was number 149 on my "Things to do this
summer" list, so I was elated. I proudly check marked
that open box and we moved onto the 150's: Offend each and
every tourist in New York City. This was going to be fun! |
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"Surrender
your God! We've got a bone to pick with Him!"
The
Unholy Army pounding on the window of a fancy downtown Restaurant.
He never did come out.
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Everywhere
we went we spread laughter and tears across people's faces. This tour
bus almost left town without hearing our message of peace and sacrilege! |
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But we were
ready to take on a much bigger fish. We wanted to take on the ultimate
in ignorance, false promises and misinformation. It was time to
confront MTV's TRL.
The crowd outside
of MTV studios was thick and the tension was high. Everybody was
screaming up to their windows for "Halle Berry! Halle Berry!
We love you!!!" It
was absolute madness.
You see, I don't
love Halle Berry, and the folks in this crowd seemed star struck
by just the crew in the same building with her. No wonder these
people fall for the bible! |
Our God is Fake
fliers caused quite a stir within the fans of Music Television.
As we stood there behind their barricades totally surrounded by
the American common-folk my eyes were accosted by the sea of mindslaves
staring up at their true god... the television camera lens.
Then to our
left, as we circulated our propaganda three teenage girls started
in on the Unholy Army!
"My parents made me go to church! They taught me right,
you valley girls!" they yelled at us. |
Staring
up at the cameras as the ever growing crowd tightened in around us. |
The
girls behind me in this picture were the one's who loved Jesus and
hated us. |
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Repeated smart
aleck remarks were exchanged, and at one point I even had to stand
in between the Army and the haters just to keep a catfight from
erupting.
Then the haters
started in on me calling me fake! I was like, "What
the?!?" So while the passersby asked to pose in pictures,
hug their girlfriends and pet their babies, I, quite obnoxiously,
told the haters over my shoulder, "Ha ha! The crowd loves
me more than they love you! Nya nya nya!"
The crowd didn't
seem to be responding well to our sarcastic Devil-may-care remarks,
and soon we realized it was time for us to leave. |
As we were leaving
the festivities someone from the crowd shouted "GOD IS REAL!" And in a synchronized harmony the girls of the Army screamed out "GOD IS FAKE!" and
the battle of the chants began. I don't know how these 5 girls did
it, but their "GOD IS FAKE" screamin' completely
drowned out the believer's retort! 5 girls against the entire TRL
fan club, and we were clearly the victors! As we left I threw out
a fistful of fliers, showering the TRLers in a snowstorm of anti-God
paper whiteness. It was a beautiful sight. |
The
girls handed out fliers to the passing crowd who loved us. |
A
little girl waves good-bye to Satan despite the heckles from the crowd
declaring that he sucked. |
Anto, Katie and Me relaxing after a long hot day.
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Lisa Wendy and Anto. |
We
concluded the day at Bryant Park where we all felt extremely fortunate
to know the truth that so many others did not, then we went over the
day's trials and tribulations. We made so many friends that day, and
even more enemies, but they're the kind of enemies you want to have.
Enemies without good comebacks or working arguments. Enemies who bow
down to TV cameras, Halle Berry and God (He must be proud to be in
such prestigious company). |
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But far more
importantly we renewed our friendship. Satan and his Army were one
again in love, in war, and in play. These are the special times,
the times that we take great satisfaction in knowing that God is
missing out on because He simply isn't there.
"Ha
ha on God! We win! Again!"
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