that can't be missed.

Burt Reynolds, fire, shotgun, tight pants... the cover says it all!

Starring: Burt Reynolds

It happened completely by chance that I stumbled onto the greatest Burt Reynolds movie ever made. Kudos to the designer of this fine video box. If it wasn't for that I would have never discovered it in the bargain bin at my local Walgreens. Sure it was recorded at SLP speed, but it was the best $3.99 I'd ever spent.

I knew that I was holding onto gold!

Richard Malone has had enough of the secret agent, military assassin life style and he wants out. To do so he must change his identity, and retreat to the secluded inner valleys of the Colorado mountains. He's looking for the quiet life...but he's not going to find it here. For some reason, this pissy, little, run down, hillbilly village is under the thumb of right-wing, millionaire zealot, DeLane (For the life of me I could not figure out what use he had for this town).

Paul, the local gas station owner, offers Malone free room and board and use of his auto repair garage. Paul also has a 12 year old daughter, and it doesn't take long before she gets a crush on a 57 year old Burt in a wig. Her father seems charmed by the notion (and Burt definitely is enjoying the attention, yum yum).

Soon, the millionaire's strong-arms notice Malone and start applying the pressure, and what's the best way to do this? Mess with his pre-teen, ack!...I mean friend, FRIEND! heh, heh...

Throughout this movie we are given tiny glimpses into the depths of Malone's ties to the government.
Paul: "So, when were you in Viet Nam?"

Malone: "1961"
Paul: "That was a little early wasn't it?"
Malone: "Not for what I was supposed to do."
Did you hear that folks? Malone IS mother fucking Viet Nam! Yeah, that's right, so back the fuck off!

Malone has many cards up his sleeve. When in trouble, he's been known to do the old "I got a gun under this newspaper aimed right at you... or do I?" bluff.
They fall for it every time, dropping their weapons and submitting totally. Absolutely brilliant Malone!

Towards the end of this movie, the hitmen come for Malone. They scale the house and tell the daughter to be quiet. At the last minute, she yells out "MALONE!" and from this alone he knows to roll out of bed, onto the floor, narrowly escaping a hail of bullets from the outside, then he comes up blasting! What a fucking genius! He fires at their getaway car, blowing it to smithereens! (Click box icon now!)

The final scenes take place at the farmhouse mansion of DeLane where Burt seeks ultimate payback! His "revenge" includes a barrage of haystack clobberings and throwing people from barn windows. In the end we see Malone walking towards us with the house behind him... then it explodes! Burt hardly flinches as he struts towards the camera. He takes out his I.D. and the credits run in front of a lighter setting his identification ablaze!

Until next time Malone. Until next time....

WORST MOVIE#10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1