the movie opens it's just another day and we see Carey Wink
(Anna Nichole Smith) cruising the skies of LA in her chopper.
Obviously she's a highly skilled and well respected pilot.
"Venice Tower, this is One Rocket Charlie, do you
It is clear that Carey is a pro. The delivery here is riveting.
Just 4 minutes into this flick and Anna Nichole Smith has
declared herself as "One Rocket Charlie" a half
establishing Carey's credentials we're taken to the luxurious
penthouse that she calls home. It's a glimpse into the upper
class, jet-set life style of a helicopter pilot. We also see
Carey's appreciation for art. Included in her collection is
the flattest, most mis-drawn Marilyn Monroe painting that
I suspect was put into the movie as a favor. I believe that
Anna's hillbilly brother-in-law did this piece specifically
for the movie with the assignment: "paint something classy".
Anyway, we are privy to witness Carey enjoying a shower a
little too much. This movie finds many excuses to take off
Anna's clothing including flashbacks
to special "love making" moments, excessive bathing
and terrorist butt rape just to name a few.
husband, Gordy, is a cop. It seems that every time they're
about to "make babies" the phone rings and Gordy
has to be choppered out to the other side of town for some
police shooting, and Carey is sick of it!
"When are you gonna give me a baby?!" she
"Carey, you knew when you married me that I was a cop!"
The movie is saturated with this sort of simpleton dialog.
goddammit, Carey really wants a baby! ...Women.
Little does she know that her troubles have only just begun.
Carey is soon pulled deep within the confines of terrorist
skyscraper highjacking. A group of Nazi Chippendale super-hunks
lead by evil, Cuban mastermind, Fairfax, have taken over the
building complete with hostages, plastic explosives and fashionable
Yes, this is Anna Nichole Smith as Die Hard.
one point during hostage negotiations we're introduced to
the architect of the building who informs the police that
it's structure is impenetrable, in short "you're fucked".
It has been equipped with an advanced "laser" monitoring
system which allows security (or in this case the terrorists)
to pinpoint every human being in the skyscraper with a bird's
eye view of every room and colored dots separating civilians
from security guards. But despite the buildings impenetrability
there are numerous forty story plunges from folks crashing
through it's windows from the mere force of their body weight.
the whole "terrorist takeover" Carey is captured.
One of the super-hunk henchmen begins delivering one liners
and grappling paws,
"God was very good to you. You know, I usually prefer
to buy ladies a drink first, but excuse me if I just don't
have the time!" he laughs, ripping open Carey's jumpsuit.
Next we see her bent over a desk taking it up the ass (here's
one scene they didn't do in Die Hard). Fortunately , Carey's
tweaked skills as a chopper pilot and her, (what must be)
military background, come into play even during butt rape.
Finding a letter opener in the desk, she stabs her penetrater
in the thigh, shoots him in the groin, thus hurling him out
of a forty story window, yadda, yadda, yadda...
I think that Die Hard really missed out on the never fail
"terrorist butt fucking the hero" scene.
Carey saves the day in a lengthy karate fight with the evil
genius, Fairfax, where he is kicked out of a forty story window
bla, bla, bla...
Soon it is clear that she has reclaimed the building for the
police and has the entire situation under control. And
after rescuing Gordy from the mad man's evil clutches he finally
agrees to give her a baby. Hooray!
This is the first time that I've stood up and applauded to
a video rental. Carey, you've earned that baby, you go girl!