The reason why I declared Baby Geniuses the worst of the Worst Movies that can't be missed is because it was the most difficult movie on my list to sit through, but it had to be done. This movie has to be seen once. Twice is more pain and sickness than I'd wish upon my worst enemy.

What we got here is another family comedy about an evil business tycoon bent on doing secret laboratory experiments with babies to unlock the secrets of life. I advise anyone going into this film to think of it not as a family comedy but as the most dreadful of horrors.

We follow 2-year-old Sylvester on his search for love. Using his genius powers, baby Sly breaks free of the lab and heads for the city. Here we see this toddler smoke cigars, run through traffic, get chased by Rottweilers and encounter a perverted child molesting, homeless man. It's unbelievable! Then during a fantastic chase, Sylvester ducks for cover in a baby stroller. Inside the stroller is a girl baby! He asks her to take off her clothes so that he can disguise himself as a girl. She replies,
"Ok Slick, but at least you could take me to dinner first."
After exchanging clothes, baby Sylvester has to split.
"Don't forget, I'm listed" his young exploit cries. This takes us to the best baby cross-dressing footage ever released to the public.

My favorite character in Baby Geniuses is the lovable, adolescent, punk rocker, Dicky (played by Teen Heart-throb Kyle Howard). He insists on going by "Ice Pick". This paves the way for an avalanche of "name goofing" that'll knock your socks off! "Nose Pick", "Ice Schtick", and "Fly Dip," just to name a few. We also get to see a multitude of hip fashions that are so popular with the kids nowadays. Dicky sports a stop sign painted on his forehead, bright pink hair (combed to the side) and enough gold chains to sink a whole garbage bag of babies to the bottom of the Pacific.

One of the things that I enjoyed most about this movie was the problem solving techniques used by the special effects team.
Problem: We need to stuff a baby into a duffel bag.
Solution: Use a dwarf in a wig.
Problem: The baby has to tie a shoelace.
Solution: Dwarf hand stand-ins (wrinkles, liver spots and all).
Problem: The scene calls for eight grown men to tackle and beat up a baby.
Solution: Lay dwarf on the ground and ATTACK !

The movie ended with flashbacks to all of those special moments in the film where we grew to love and admire baby Sylvester and all of the friends he'd met along the way. Accompanying this flashback was Randy Travis's love ballad "A Gift of Love". It was at this point that I went into a fit of profuse vomiting and anal leakage.

When it was over I took a long shower, but the "horrible" just wouldn't wash off.