reason why I declared Baby Geniuses the worst of the Worst
Movies that can't be missed is because it was the most
difficult movie on my list to sit through, but it had to be
done. This movie has to be seen once. Twice is more pain and
sickness than I'd wish upon my worst enemy.
we got here is another family comedy about an evil business
tycoon bent on doing secret laboratory experiments with babies
to unlock the secrets of life. I advise anyone going into
this film to think of it not as a family comedy but
as the most dreadful of horrors.
follow 2-year-old Sylvester on his search for love. Using
his genius powers, baby Sly breaks free of the lab and heads
for the city. Here we see this toddler smoke cigars, run through
traffic, get chased by Rottweilers and encounter a perverted
child molesting, homeless man. It's unbelievable! Then during
a fantastic chase, Sylvester ducks for cover in a baby stroller.
Inside the stroller is a girl baby! He asks her to take off
her clothes so that he can disguise himself as a girl. She
"Ok Slick, but at least you could take me to dinner first."
After exchanging clothes, baby Sylvester has to split.
"Don't forget, I'm listed" his young exploit cries.
This takes us to the best baby cross-dressing footage ever
released to the public.
favorite character in Baby Geniuses is the lovable, adolescent,
punk rocker, Dicky (played
by Teen Heart-throb Kyle Howard). He insists on
going by "Ice Pick". This paves the way for an avalanche
of "name goofing" that'll knock your socks off!
"Nose Pick", "Ice Schtick", and "Fly
Dip," just to name a few. We also get to see a multitude
of hip fashions that are so popular with the kids nowadays.
Dicky sports a stop sign painted on his forehead, bright pink
hair (combed to the side) and enough gold chains to sink a
whole garbage bag of babies to the bottom of the Pacific.
of the things that I enjoyed most about this movie was the
problem solving techniques used by the special effects team.
Problem: We need to stuff
a baby into a duffel bag.
Solution: Use a dwarf
in a wig.
Problem: The baby has
to tie a shoelace.
Solution: Dwarf hand stand-ins
(wrinkles, liver spots and all).
The scene calls
for eight grown men to tackle and beat up a baby.
Lay dwarf on the ground and ATTACK !
movie ended with flashbacks to all of those special moments
in the film where we grew to love and admire baby Sylvester
and all of the friends he'd met along the way. Accompanying
this flashback was Randy Travis's love ballad "A Gift
of Love". It was at this point that I went into a fit
of profuse vomiting and anal leakage.
it was over I took a long shower, but the "horrible"
just wouldn't wash off.