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This is the
always popular dramatic tale of a teenage girl running
away to Hollywood for her shot at stardom. C. Thomas
Howell plays Detective Sergeant Lee Teffler (but I'll
be referring to him as C. Thomas Howell because that's
what this is really about). He specializes in handling
the underage hooker cases. And C. Thomas's Captain is
none to happy with his renegade, free-stylin' policing.
And this is something we're given a heapin' handful
of in the first 10 minutes.
Flashing
his badge, C. Thomas calmly informs a bank manager:
"I just got a tip that you're about to be robbed."
Bank Mgr: "Can you stop them?"
C. Thomas (This line was dubbed-in as he peered
through blinds): "If we catch them in the act they're
gonna serve real time."
It doesn't really answer the bank manager's question,
but when you're dubbing in lines, you're not paying
attention to useless details like that. This movie is
filled with these dubbed-in plot points.
You see,
C. Thomas Howell's character is big on the "If
we catch them in the act they're gonna serve real
time" motto. He says it throughout this film again
and again. I suspect that after the movie was all put
together the editors decided that this would be another
good spot to pop-in his catch-phrase.
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So
outside we see 2 guys stepping out of a car, putting
on ski-masks, armed with semiautomatic rifles
and heading towards the bank. C. Thomas (peering
through the blinds at them) does his best Beverly
Hills Cop. "Guess who!" he smirks, and
exits the shot stage right. Hey, this guy must
be good!
The
crooks bust in, firing their guns and barking
demands. C. Thomas quickly incapacitates one of
the men with your basic wack- on- the- shoulder-
offense, knocking the crook out cold.
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"Guess
who!" |
One down,
one to go. The second crook grabs a hostage and tells
our hero to "Drop the gun!" C. Thomas obliges
the request lobbing his gun at the bad guy who has no
choice but to drop the hostage and his rifle
so that he can catch C's gun. C. Thomas then rushes
the unsuspecting bandit, tackling him through a plate
glass window... in a Hollywood bank?
Meanwhile
our 17 year old runaway (Kyle) enters into the heart
of Hollywood.
Now, if you've never been to Hollywood you might want
to start taking notes here. Immediately upon stepping
off the bus she is accosted by a wide assortment of
typical Hollywood "crazies".
There's
the firebreather, a "Maps to the Stars"
guy, this annoying white girl in a Rasta hat and
men's suit jacket who starts pushing Kyle around,
...a
homeless man in a throw rug and tan khakis, and
a white pimp in a Hawaiian shirt.
After all of this, Kyle just strolls away smilin',
and they all have no choice but to simply stand
there and watch her leave. Hey, that's Hollywood
for ya! |
When
Kyle arrives at her sisters apartment, her sister, Merci,
is nowhere to be found. Locked out, Kyle sits in the
hallway to wait. She's about to take part in some more
of that exciting Hollywood drama. She's not even there
5 minutes before gunshots are fired and 3 men come crashing
through a door down the hall. Kyle finds herself in
the crossfire, lying on the floor next to a guy who's
getting shot in the chest. She gets up and runs down
the hall to the staircase. Unfortunately it is blocked
by a couple having sex. It's a hot blond with a Hell's
Angel between her legs (they don't seem a bit distracted
by the gunplay). They look up, see Kyle and laugh at
her. Kyle curls up into a ball and falls asleep. Poor,
poor Kyle.
The
next day when she wakes up, her suitcase and pockets
have been emptied, everything stolen. Then in walks
C. Thomas Howell asking "Do you live here?"
Kyle stands up and runs.
"I'm looking for Merci Cooper!" He screams,
voice crackling like any 22 year old Detective Sergeant's
voice would. "Wait! I'm a police officer!"
He chases her out of the building into a courtyard where
they both end up falling in a swimming pool. It's a
scene that was built as an excuse to get a "17
year old" to take off her clothes.
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Back
at the station...
Yeah, it was funny when I saw it in Ferris Bueller's
Day Off, and Sixteen Candles, and Porky's and..
oh nevermind.
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And
we're only 20 minute into this flick! I tell ya, it
doesn't let up! C. Thomas's character continues to let
the runaway go, then he shows up right at the moment
she's about to be raped, molested, killed, whatever,
and saves her.
The
first time that he let's her go, she makes her way to
the bad guys lair where her sister works as a singer/hooker.
Here she meets Roman, the sleezy club owner that (and
I'm quoting) "catches girls like butterflies, mounts
them, and sells them to collectors."
C. Thomas comes in and saves her from Roman's advances
and sets her free again.
After
spending another night on the street, Kyle is woken
up by a drunk pissing on her.
So Kyle gets up and starts looking for a job. Then this
girl comes dashing out of a store, runs into Kyle, and
takes off around the corner. The shop keeper comes out
and says "Which way did she go?" Kyle points
him in the wrong direction.
It was here that I predicted this line: "Hey, you
really saved my ass back there, I owe you one."
So Kyle gets up and goes around the corner and meets
the shoplifter.. and damn, this girl likes to talk!
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"I'm
a clepto, ya know. I just enjoy gettin' stuff
for nuttin'. I'm on probation so you really saved
my ass back there, I won't forget it" Damn,
I was so close!
"Anyway, you remind me of me when I
first got here... I was raped... twice. You know,
if you get desparate and you need a place to hide,
go to L.A. County Drug Rehab Center. Alright?
Remember that! The L.A. County Drug Rehab Center."
Christ, she doesn't let anyone get a word in
edgewise!
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"Free room
and board, tightest security. Like if some guy won't leave
you alone and he's armed. Oh, but they only take smack
addicts. So what you want to do is you take a needle and
poke holes in your arm."
And that's your introduction
to Pizza Girl. You won't see her again until the end
of the movie when Kyle is saying goodbye to everyone
who happens to be walking by before she gets on the
bus.
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It
takes several rescues before C. Thomas gets into
bed with the minor, and boy is it odd seeing him
in a love scene! Several minutes of him kissing
her neck and buring his face in her shoulder. She
seems so bored during it all, looking off into space
like she's trying to remember a shopping list or
something. |
Anyhow,
it's back and forth with her splittin' and him rescuing
her. Then finally she finds her sister, her sister gets
shot in the back, and C.
Thomas Howell kills the bad guys in a ship yard.
Forget
whatever you thought you knew about C. Thomas Howell,
because that's what he really wants you to do.
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