that can't be missed.

In the 80s there was nothing more hip than the black lacquer look. This applied for furniture, decorations, accessories and Halloween costumes too!

Nothing says class like a black lacquered lawn decoration... in your dining room.

Hey, is that a black lacquered cardboard box? Sexy!"

Yes. That my friends is a black lacquered plant.

Even your face could be black lacquered in the 80s!



At a certain point I just gave up counting. Her whole goddamn mansion was black lacquered!

There's your drinking game. Watch this movie, and every time you see something black lacquered, chug! You'll be wasted off your ass in the first 8 minutes.


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When I am searching for a wonderfully horrible movie to make into laughing stock, my eye is consistently pulled to the 80s. This priceless, tacky, ignorant decade is my first love. I can never resist it.

Back then cleavage was all it took to drive men to madness, black lacquer meant ultra sheik, and stone washed denim passed for "thug".

 Rating: 2 Faces of Pity
Broken Hollywood Thermostat
Up your Butt
We thought we knew what we wanted but it was the 80s, we didn't know shit!
Funny... but not "Ha ha" funny
Do not prepare yourself for the off the wall, screwball Jim Carrey we all know today. This is an extremely dull and typical character that he's embarrassed to look back on.

In the 80s, Hollywood California was the scene to be in, because it was there that anything could happen... and always did.

"Hey look over there! It's synchronized twins in Michael Jackson jackets!" and "Whoa, check it out! A white limousine with a female bodybuilder standing in the sunroof dressed like a jungle girl holding a bouquet of balloons!" and even "Hey look! A homeless person!"

My favorite movie moments were being born, and this is why I bring you...
Once Bitten
1985
Starring: Lauren Hutton & Jim Carrey

I ask you to forget all that you think you know, because in the 80s things were very very different. For instance, high school boys who were dying to get laid would clumsily scramble away from an aggressive beautiful woman, and this is where our story begins.

Jim Carrey plays a horny high school kid on the verge of a nervous breakdown because his girlfriend won't have sex with him.


THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS!		 Solution: a wild evening excursion to West Hollywood with the fellas... in an ice-cream truck! You've never seen anything so outrageous (and it seems that no one else in this movie has either). Despite how crazy things are in Hollywood, the mere sight of an oversized fiberglass ice-cream cone attached to the back of a truck turns heads.
Let the craziness begin! I get absolutely giddy at these moments. That 80s pop music chimes in, the camera flashes to the bright city signs... "Palm Readings! A Wonderbread ad on the side of a bus! A Diner!" and the excitement has only just begun! Now comes the parade of Holly-weird eccentrics, so grab hold of your leg warmers!

Hot Strutin' Valley Girls with attitude,
Punk Rockers probably on their way to a riot or something,
and yes, even a super model walking a LION!

You think you've seen it all but you haven't seen anything! Soon these voyeurs of mayhem find themselves in a trendy pickup joint where they all hope to score.

Another wonderful thing about the 80s was what passed for a "hot babe". This is one of the hottest clubs in LA (so we're told) and these girls are supposed to be unbelievable! Take a look.

"Why hello... and who's your friend with the dreary face?"
"Mmmm yes. My that's a saggy blouse you're wearing.
Clashing pinks... nice!"
"You've been divorced twice? Wow, I would have guessed three times."

By this point we have already been introduced to Lauren Hutton's character, a sultry millionaire who's on the prowl for virgin blood. Sitting at the bar she invites Jim over. He is quickly seduced and brought back to her place .

This is the point where we have to start buyin' the premise that horny young men try to resist the advances of beautiful women. As she crawls over him removing his clothes he nervously chatters away. It's a comedic staple in most of your "teens tryin' to get laid" 80s flicks.

So she bites him, sucks his blood and the next morning he doesn't remember a thing.
Later in the movie Jim's friends refer to her as "The girl with those big luscious
magoomboz (sp?)!"
That's 80s for tits.


The belt shows off the figure.

So his girlfriend finds out and breaks up with him. Throughout this film she shows us many fashionable outfits. Most of them are belted jump suits.

I don't know what we were thinking back then... comfort? I'm really not sure. Maybe it was just more efficient? You didn't have to match a shirt with pants and you could just step into it and zip it up the front... like a painter's smock!

Soon it is time for the wicked Halloween party! Oh this movie has so many presents in store for you! Here we get a giant serving of all that is 80s. Music, costumes, dance and hair. I am in heaven!

Have you ever just stopped, separated yourself from a plot and just soaked in the horrible 80s dance moments?
It's my life's blood.
So much make-believe "cool" and Running Man as far as the eye can see! This Blues Brothers couple rocks my world.

I was also pleasantly surprised to come across (I use the term loosely) a "teenage Bob's sexiest movie moment".
Here at the Halloween party Lauren Hutton dressed in this French cut tuxedo leotard, fishnet stockings, and jacket with tails. This was all it took to make me happy during my puberty years.

The movie concludes with Lauren's army of New Wave Lite vampire pretty boys chasing Jim until the vampire curse is broken from being devirginized by his girlfriend.


That's Jim Carrey in the center
back when he had to do everything they told him to.

As a self proclaimed connoisseur of the 80s I strongly recommend spending the 99¢ and renting this on a weeknight when the rates are cheaper and they let you rent a second movie for half price. It's just that good.

Oh yeah, here's one last clip from the movie that I'm sure Jim would want you to see. They're in the shower. I forget what context it was in.

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